a little piece in the picture.

Big.

2012-01-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

"Every day you're not dead in the ground, when you wake up in the morning, you're gonna have to make some decisions. Got to ask yourself this question: "Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today?" You hear me today? "Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today? You hear me today?" All right? As for your mama, she didn't pick her life. It picked her. But you, you're gonna do something big with yours. You wait and see."

-Constantine Jefferson, 'The Help'.

Love.

2012-01-10T17:55:00.000-08:00

It was like any typical Monday night; the streets were still jammed with cars and their drivers on the way back to their respective homes after yet another tiring day at work. I watched people muling around in the Bukit Bintang area, carrying shopping bags, entering restaurants, or just chatting under the streetlights that lined the walkways.

It was like any other Monday night, riding in my daddy's big MPV and partially listening to the song playing on his favorite radio station whilst i also tuned into the light chatter between my parents, the way my mum laughed at something my dad said. It was probably something lame, but mum always laughs at his jokes while the rest of us groan and wonder what he'll come up with next.

That Monday night however marked the 30th anniversary of their marriage, and although i don't know half the things they went through as a couple, but i am pretty sure of one thing, that they never gave up on each other and shows no sign on giving up now. They didn't do anything special that night. After our weekly BSF classes, they came home and sat down in the kitchen with a cup of coffee shared between the both of them and talked some more. It might not be much, but somehow i feel that they don't really need a glammed up, spectacular dinner just to commemerate another year in their marriage, or to celebrate their love for one another on that particular night, because i feel that they've been doing exactly that since the day they've been together.

Truth be told, i would like to have a relationship much like what they have. A love that is founded on the love of God, and a love for each other that has lasted since day one, a love that provides mutual support, a love that does not abandon in trying times but rather strengthens and takes hold to help along the winding road. This is the kind of love that i sense everyday, a quiet, affectionate and responsive love i see from the way they smile, the way my dad holds onto my mum's hand in a protective sort of way, the way my mum's eyes crinkles with laughter everytime my dad dishes out a pun, the way they chat about everything from politics to what to plate for dinner, the way they always seem to be together, one never without the other.

It's that kind of love that the world is lacking, the kind where it's basis is not only solely moulded around on passion, on what is visually and emotionally pleasing, but formed out of respect, of sincerity, the kind that doesn't need to be flaunted to show that you're in a relationship, those that takes time and effort to build, the kind of love which would withstand any obstacles thrown their way.

I admire my parents, i really do. I admire their dedication towards their family, their peseverence through hardships i'm sure married couples are bound to face, I admire them for holding on to this relationship tightly and never gave up on one another.

I think they've set the benchmark pretty high for future relationships that might, or might not, come for me.

So as i sat in with them at the kitchen table, listening silently to their lighthearted banter and the boisterous laugh emitting from my father, I smiled a smile that reached my eyes; I smiled just thinking of how far my parents have come, how much they've put in to raise three daughters and taught them right from wrong, and just how grateful I am to be part of this family, to be part of their lives.

I thank God i have parents such as them to come home to everyday.

Transition.

2011-12-07T05:33:00.001-08:00

Just imagine, next year i would turn 20. 20 is like a stepping stone to adulthood, it's when the final pages of our teens are turned and we began a new chapter, another milestone. When i was 10 and thought of myself as ten years older, i looked to my mum and thought how much i wanted to be like her, how she's always calm in chaotic situations, that one sure presence that wouldn't change, that one person my sister and i would run to when a problem arises. My prime example of a grown and matured woman was my mum, and i thought in ten years time, maybe i would be, at least, a quarter of what she is to me.

But even being a tiny bit like my mum seems impossible to me now, just because of the way i am, how i still feel like a little girl in so many ways regardless of my age. i don't want to grow up so fast because the little girl in me can't catch up, there's so much i don't know and don't understand and i feel like my knowledge of this world is so limited, how can i age into adulthood when i still lack in so many things?

i think all of us has a little part deep down inside knowing that we wouldn't want to grow up if given the chance, for whatever reasons. But, you know, whenever i think of next year and how i would no longer be deemed as a teen, how the world would suddenly expect of you to become someone responsible, someone that would not be viable to all the excuses parents makes for their teens because of their 'senseless' behaviours. "Oh, she's just going through a phase", "Oh, she's just a teen", "raging hormones, y'know?" None of those would be applicable to us anymore, we would have to take full responsibility for our actions.

But, i think those expectations can't be met in my case. I don't think so. Whenever i think of next year and what it would bring, i would always think of my ten-year-old self, how that little girl wanted to take everything by storm because she is finally, grown up. How she viewed herself as she progressed into that unknown realm of adulthood, where everyone seemed to be fully equipped with wisdom and knows no wrong, where decisions are made composedly and they always seem to know the right things to say. That ten year old saw herself that way, perhaps a happier, livelier version, but one that would not be flustered easily, one that isn't really afraid of anything, one who is pretty, gorgeous even, one that's pleasant to be with and the life of a party.

I know i'm not any of those things however. I would never make heads turn to begin with, i'm still so scared, shamefully scared of countless things, i still get flustered at the worst possible moment, in short i don't think i've even come close to that image my 10 year old self managed to conjure up in her head. That 20, bubbly, confident and radiant woman. The truth is i can never see myself that way anymore. And sometimes i just wonder if that little girl who imagined herself to be that illusion she imagined, how she would react when she finds out the future her isn't what she thought it would be?

I don't know, but one thing's for sure, that ten year old kept hoping. Hoping for a better future in a better world. She kept hoping, and i guess that's where i should learn from her, to never stop hoping, to continue believing even though i know nuts about whats ahead of me, of what i am bound to face one day. Hoping, somehow, as day passes, as my body grows, so does my mind; that with everyday experiences i learn how to cope with this world, and that someday, when i look back, i can honestly say that i've grown, grown to become whoever i'm meant to be.

*

2011-10-09T00:58:00.000-07:00

It's a vicious cycle that i need to break out of.

because things cannot continue with the way it is right now.

Disturbances.

2011-10-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

I need to stop obsessing over trivial matters and start focusing my thoughts on more important and vital issues to address. But you know, i just can't seem to reign in my runaway ideas.

Sometimes i just wonder what good this imagination of mine does to me. It seems to cause nothing but distress and in certain instances, heartbreak, whenever hopes are dashed and crushed into pulp.

I just need a peace of mind. But even that, is hard to get hold of.

Thespian

2011-09-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

You know what I would really like to do, if I could, if I had thecapability, the talent?

I would really like to major in performing arts.

[via hitrecord.org]

Just the thought of being on stage, the spotlight shining upon you as you reciteyour lines with gusto, with enthusiasm, that in itself is such a thrilling thingto experience even if it’ll only last for a split second in time. You see theaudience entranced, you form and mold the character you're playing into whatyou perceive him or her to be, you hear your own voice carried through the airto reach the ears of the captivated people in their seats. That moment when youhit the stage and already have everyone within your grasp as you bring them ona journey you want to show and portray. It's that elated feeling just beingthere, right there and no one and nothing can ever snatch that moment away fromyou, because you possess it. That feeling of being on stage is justindescribable, or even when you're just part of the team, it really isinexplicable to be a part in something big. That camaraderie bond betweeneveryone, cast and crew, after slugging through so much together, even if itwas the smallest of any productions in the world, it still would hold so muchto everyone involved.

[via favim.com]

& being part of the rehearsals, the decor team to set up the stage andfix every single detail of the props into its proper place, to be able to helpdesign the costumes to be worn by cast members on stage, or the technical crewto oversee the lightning’s or the props that would move around the stage, everysingle part played to make the whole piece work and fall into place likeclockwork really made me thought about going into showbiz full time. Even to be in the crew of people responsible for the different elements of the production, to design the set, or become a stage director, or the costume designer where you can picture the characters and how their clothes could compliment their personalities, how it would bring out the best and the worst for all sorts of caricatures. It justbrings forth so much joy just thinking about being a part in any theatreproduction. The unpredictability of what would happen, because everything isalways different no matter how much the actors stick to the script. It'swatching as events fold before your very eyes, and you're as enthralled aseveryone else is. Just by being there, being in a theatre, it really does feellike magic sometimes.

But alas, that one thing that is needed the most to get you through istalent, and I’m afraid I’m sorely lacking in that department. I hardly considermyself an actress, perhaps a decent one, and constantly wonder if any of my sketches of costumes and stage settings would do any good at all. But i am afraid that I could not get throughthe tough stages of being in the theatre line. I would love to, but I don'tthink I have what it takes, and the drive, the passion and the perseverance tosend me to the top.

[via kerimcankjgoren]

but I always wondered though, how life would be like if I really did pursuethat dream, that one aspiration out of many aspirations that I’ve mulled overand have actually have taken it seriously. I think life would never stop being thisnever ending whirlwind of dramas, but hey, I would think that majoring inperforming arts, your everyday life would become your stage, and I think that'sthe most exciting experience anyone could ever experience in their lifetime.

Wish You Were Here.

2011-09-14T03:15:00.000-07:00

I miss a lot of things. I'm already starting to miss my friends that just went off to some far off place to further their studies. I miss hanging out with them, just watching a movie, or singing till our thoat aches in karaoke, or just going out for a quick lunch in between classes. I miss chatting with them. I miss high school, how everything works like clockwork in that little white and green building, i miss the times i spent with all my schoolmates doing stuff highschool students do, which is anything besides studying unless you absolutely have to. I miss my sisters. I miss their hugs that they constantly, and willingly shower upon me. I miss their home in Australia, the fresh air over there, the different environment that i've accustomed myself to for 3 weeks. I miss laughing so hard that it even makes your side hurt from the exertion. I miss the moments when i was so carefree i didn't give a hoot about anything. I miss talking on the phone with my childhood friend, telling her everything that has been happening to me. I miss writing. I miss the times where i spent in peace thinking of absolutely nothing, and that itself, not having your brains occupied with anything to mull over, really is a luxury. I wish they're all within my reach to grasp hold off, to hug tightly against my chest and shut my eyes just to linger in that moment for a while longer. So that i won't have to let go again, not just yet. So that i won't have that aching feeling of having something missing anymore.

*
to lighten the mood just a tad, here's a picture of a puppy in a sweater.

tataa, :)

What Would You Do?

2011-09-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

What would you do if you wake up one day, then discovered that you lost the ability to walk? Or, found your hands immobile by your side? What would you do if you just realized that everything is dark although your senses tell you its bright and early in the morning? What would you do if you tried to yell out in frustration, but no one can hear you because not a sound is coming from you in the first place? What would you do when you suddenly can't hear anymore, not the rustling of curtains as a breeze blows in, not the padding of footsteps of housemates as they went about they daily routine, not even your radio that is placed right at your bedside, nothing. What would you do?

I don't know what i would've done. If i lost any of the abilities above, abilities that we tend to take for granted as we continue living day to day, because you honestly wouldn't even spare a thought for it unless its taken away from you. I probably would've cried big, suffocating sobs into my pillow and regret the fact that i didn't stop to think of how important it is to me. How important it is to be able to walk around freely, to pick up things, to bend down and tie your shoelace, to greet good morning to your parents, to be able to plug earphones into your ear and listen to the songs on shuffle on your iPod. To be able to raise your arm and wave to your next door neighbour and look at the blue, blue sky with puffy clouds, then settle down with a scrumptiously thick book and read to your heart's desire. We never know how much these simple acts of everyday things we do means to us as human beings, these everyday, natural things, and we never really thought of how much it actually impacts out lives.

I don't want to regret not being thankful for these attributes blessed upon me. It is a blessing to carry out tasks that as supposedly normal and easy to do, because honestly, if one day somehow our muscles fails on us, it doesn't seem as easy as we perceived it to be. I'm grateful for a fully functional body, that i'm able to walk and run and talk and laugh and eat and hear and see things happening around me, and i really couldn't imagine myself any other way.

So, i don't know what i would've done if i had been placed under the circumstance of discovering that my limbs are no longer functional, or that suddenly i can't hear my own voice or even speak, but i'm not gonna regret not being thankful for what God has given me thus far.

It Gets Worse.

2011-07-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

Is it human nature to conjure up the worst possible scenarios and imagine themselves facing that? No seriously, am I the only one that, when dropped into a situation that probably wouldn't result into anything out of the norm, would suddenly mentally bombard myself with all the worst things that could happen even though it's highly unlikely that it would ever occur? Please tell me i'm not the only one prone to self harm and destruction through the mental images i portray to myself.

Like, there was once, i had a this really, really intense headache and sometimes it felt like my brains would burst out of my skull in all its bloody glory, i immediately started panicking when my mind just zero-ed down onto the fact that i might have a tumor in my brain. Worry lines started creasing my forehead as my mind rapidly raced through all the worst things that could possibly happen to me, and i begun envisioning days, weeks, and months spent in and out of the hospital, surgeons cutting up my head and yanking the big, bulbous, monstrous tumor out of me, my head clean shaven, ridden of all my hair and never being able to grow back again. The stress of just thinking about it added to my already pounding headache, and it was a while before i realized that there are other plausible, less far out reasons that could've caused this massive headache. Probably that (small, tiny) logical side of me was right, that i was again over thinking everything, that it has been a really hot day, and the heat has been getting me to, for the next day, i was as good as new.

(There are many other instances such as the example above, but to state them all would take up a lifetime, so i shall spare you the despairing, gory details.)

Geez, why do i always do this to myself? Why is it so hard to come to a wholly reasonable conclusion and explanation to whatever i was going through? Why is it that when someone 'needs to talk' you immediately think of how, or in what way, have you wronged that person, or what you've done of late that would've been a negative influence, why can't we just rest upon the fact that he or she might just really want to sit down with you and just chatter on to their heart's content? Why is it so hard? Why do we constantly badger ourselves with what might or might not be and just, let it be?

I admit i'm paranoid. Really paranoid. I get really worked up sometimes when watching TV shows like House or Grey's Anatomy cause, i would somehow fit the descriptions of the patient's sickness and symptoms into my own life, so even when all i'm having is a mild cough or something my mind would just go OH LORD REBECCA YOU HAVE THROAT CANCER YOU'RE GONNA DIE A REALLY HORRIBLE DEATH SO START PANICKING NOW.

Don't ask me why i do this to myself. It's not that i like doing it, heck, it's like slowly, gradually torturing your senses into oblivion. It feeds upon the soul and drains my energy by just thinking about it. I ask myself why too, but i never got the answer.

If i did, i wouldn't be writing this out just to clear things going on in my head right now.
I hate how my brain works sometimes. Wanna trade, anyone, even just for a day?

The Bahagia Feeling :)

2011-07-22T03:43:00.000-07:00

They're the colour pencils to my black and white drawing, giving it shades of joy and moments to embrace tightly against my chest. They've brought a whole lot of happiness into my world :)

Truly, i couldn't thank God enough for them and what they've actively contributed into my life :)

Love you both to bits and pieces and smithereens, Elena & Shern Li!

Anxiety.

2011-07-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a story about a girl.

She isn't abnormal in any way, in fact, she's so normal, she can be passed off as boring with a mere flick of a stranger's head. But if she's so mundanely monotonous in everything she does, why are you telling us about her, you ask? Well, there's one significant factor about her, not much, but still a standout point nonetheless.

She's a worry wart.
She worries about practically everything under the sun. She scared of going out into the sunlight for fear that the one tiny, little, midget spot of a white dot on her head would grow and grow and become this monster-size thing and suck the pigments out of her skin, leaving her pale, patchy, and pathetic. Yet, she needs to get out into the sun too, for fear that she would grow pale and sickly without the warm nutrients it provides.

She worries about things that wouldn't happen, she worries about her own death and how it might occur, she worries about that small nagging pain in the back of her head that wouldn't seem to go away (most likely caused by her excessive thinking), she worries about her eye that twitches occasionally, she worries about the lives of her parents and conceives images of the worst possible things that could happen when the chances of it actually happening is one in a million, and yet she chooses to worry over them, surpassing all logical and practical explanations she mentally counters herself with. She worries about the prospect of her future, about the potentiality of her becoming a living wreck and a miserable failure. She worries about her appearance and what others think of her, she worries about her physical well-being and dreads the thought of dying, because there's just so much more to do and see in this world.

She worries that her life could be snatched away from her at any moment, she worries that she'll never get far ahead in life before she gives up and mopes around for the rest of her years, she worries about her future plans and contemplate about it long and hard, repeatedly questioning herself if its the right decision, if its what she really, really wants to do, to take up the challenge she foresees ahead. She worries about the small things; her bad habit of biting her fingernails, her parched lips that seemed to be living in perpetual dry-ness, her feet, one of them bigger than the other, her wrist, which aches occasionally, and she wonders if its really completely healed after the bad fall that fractured it, her ankle, still bloated, is that normal?

Small, tiny things constantly badgering for her attention. Small, tiny, unnecessary, trivial things. & yet it consumes her, occupies most of her thoughts as she goes about her daily life, to the point where she needs distractions to take her mind off and ease the load she's been dragging around, even just for a while. Question after question of "What Ifs" and "If Onlys" pops up at the edge of her mind every so often, and it bothers her till no end, encumbering her from enjoying a brand new day, with the sun shining outside and love surrounding her at home, because all she could think about were things that didn't really matter, but she blows it up and makes a huge deal and fusses about it.

She forgot to be grateful for the things right in front of her. For her parents that are still very much alive, for the roof over her head to keep her warm and cozy when its pouring cows and elephants outside, for always being able to get through the next stage to reach her goal in life, for being loved and cared for, for having people around her that shared the same mentality, same mindset, that laughed together and discussed the most fascinating topics, but mostly for the life she is currently living, for being able to wake up every morning and open her eyes, to see sunlight streaming through the window and smell the whiff of coffee brewing in the kitchen below, to hear the quiet chatter of her parents and her grandmother humming a tune in the background, to be able to stand and walk out to greet them, to feel their palm against hers as she wrapped her own around theirs, to being able to go out and breathe in the air, to smile at a little boy as he waved at her from the opposite house, to sing along to a song that's been stuck in her head for days. She forgot to he thankful of the very life she is living, and that's sad, because she forgot to stop and appreciate what's been around her for ages and instead she worries about things that are out of her control.

I don't know the conclusion of this story, the ending is still being written, but after she came across this passage in the Bible derived from Matthew that addressed her issues so directly she marvels again at how wonderfully apt it is and prayed a silent prayer to God, thanking him for reminding her to stop all her nonsense and focus on Him and what He wants her to do instead.

Do Not Worry
²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6: 25-34

I hope she heeded this in the end, because with one less triviality to worry about, there's so many other things to partake of this world, and I hope, for her sake, that she'll put it all behind her and continue striving on without laden shoulders.
Because worrying.... worrying really doesn't do much at all.

Till the Very End.

2011-07-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

I've seen so many instances all around the internet with people confessing and gushing about how the seven books of Harry Potter had ultimately defined their childhood, how the 'boy who lived' impacted them from the time when they used to climb trees and chase around with other kids in the neighbourhood, to the time when zits started taking up temporary residence on their faces and parents start to frequently use the term 'raging hormones" on them.

I don't think i can say the same about my childhood, however. Those books never really did leave an imprint on me until the time when i finally learned how to read, and was finally allowed to read it. My childhood was made up of things like waking up superbly, and ridiculously early for Saturday morning cartoons, when naps were the equivalent of horror movies with clowns that feasts on children, when i paraded around in dresses i own practically everyday because it made me feel like a real princess, and when things were much, much simpler then. That, generally, was my childhood. I wasn't an avid bookworm, in fact i avoided it as if it were plague, and i'd much rather ride my bicycle and roller blade around the neighbourhood with the other kids then hole up in some nook and bury my nose within volumes and volumes of books. Because honestly, words scared me back then, but i'll leave that story till another day.

Those seven books still influenced me though, not by defining a period of my life, but more through how it aided in shaping and expanding my imagination, how it presented to me a totally different world fabricated out of mere words, and how those words helped in forming and molding places i've yearn to visit, characters i've come to know, love and root for, situations and scenarios which made my heart race in the face of danger or plummet to the very tips of my toes in sadness. It has taken me along for adventure after adventures, as if i was with them every single step of the way while they fought off Death Eaters or ate in the Great Hall, i was with the famous trio, all the way.

I was fully immersed in this fantasy world and i never wanted this experience to end. That feeling as if your entire being was uprooted and transported into a totally different realm, and you lose your sense of timing, sense of even being in reality, of being snuggled up in your room with a thick, fat book and turning pages after pages into the wee hours at night. That experience, i wanted it to go on forever.

Because it felt so good to get away from it all, from nasty teachers that seemed to have the time of the day just by yelling at you and giving massive amount of homework, from the people that you've thought are your friends, but then somewhere along the way you got degraded to the status of 'acquantance' and nothing more. From math lessons which seem to go on like it would never end, from how everything gets a little muddled and confusing as your try to register your surroundings that seem to pass you by in a blur.

To be able to sit and let everything in reality take the back seat for a while, for it to become a fuzzy haze at the back of your mind as you speed away with the characters in Harry Potter, as your mind is occupied with things outside from the world you live in, it's just- glorious. So enrichingly glorious.

That's what it is like to have your imagination take you on a whirlwind of fancy, where you construct your own world with words alone as your instructions, your guidebook to support you as you go about laying foundations and cornerstones to the majestic castle you're going to build single-handedly seemingly out of thin air. But it isn't thin air, because our imagination is as solid as anything we grasp here, in the real world, our imagination would take us to heights we can't fathom simply by the fact that we believe in it, and that set things into motion, that prompts us into action to bring forth the image we hold dearly in our minds into reality. Imagination helps in making the world a little brighter, the colours on each petal of a flower a little more vibrant, it gives commonplace scenes like a father carrying his toddler, a group of friends laughing over iced tea, a boy with a frown upon his forehead as he bent over his textbook, concerntration written all over his face, it gives a tinge of sweetness to everyday things we witness but never really sit back to ponder about.

It's a gift, that's what imagination is, and unfortunately as we grow older, supposedly wiser, we lose a little of this gift as time passes. Therefore, i'm wholly grateful for an author like Rowling, because of what she contributed in the form of her books and the protagonist everyone grew to love, that i could be a part of their adventures and the many lessons along the way, that all this would ultimately help me in fashioning my own world, where everything is slowly, steadily growing, building, brick by brick as my mind absorbs everything and churns out more stories with fire-breathing dragons, with battles and wars to be fought and victories to be won, with elves and evil, bloodthirsty creatures, with comradeship forged amongst the most unlikely of beings and relationships to be explored.

This is what the seven books of Harry Potter had brought to me, and for that i'm thankful that i picked it up in my school library and began reading it out of curiousity. Because of how it has been an influencing factor on how my imagination took flight and soared.
Thank you for the wonderfully magical, experience :')

Nibbling.

2011-05-31T07:17:00.000-07:00

They say you can’t force yourself to write, when you have absolutely nothing to write about.

My problem isn’t knowing what to write, but rather how to phrase my thoughts into words. To adequately string it together to form a coherent and comprehensible sentence, to allow readers to understand and express the same sentiments as I am going through.

How am I going to do that though, when I can’t even understand the thoughts that are constantly bombarding me so that they could be heard?

I hate it when there’s writer’s block. It gets so agitating that the more that I’ve tried to get rid of it, the more it strengthens and builds itself infront of me, looming, foreboding, but all in all, so darn irritating.

Maybe I just cant write anymore.

Home, Home, Home.

2011-05-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

Uncertainty is killing me
And I'm certainly not asleep
Maybe I've gone far too deep
Maybe I'm just far too weak
And that's the last place I want to be the last place

And there is so much we dont know
So we love and we hope that it holds
And either we say or we show
So I'm going to fight for my own
-Uncertainty; The Fray

One of the many reasons why i think The Fray is sublime. :)

Rayne.

2011-05-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

When it rains, you pull out your umbrella and shade yourself from the pitter-patter of the raindrops as you walk under the shower of the little droplets of water, hoping you'll get home without any splotches and wet patches on your clothing. You hurry along, praying that you won't get soaked to the bone. At least the umbrella would serve as some sort of a protection as you go about your way, racing against the wind to get back to the warmth of your home and fluffy towels to dry yourself off.

When it rains, you snuggle into bed and cuddle your favorite stuff toy. The rain outside makes your bed a little cosier to wriggle in, it makes you want to close your eyelids as you listen to the raindrops hitting against your window, it makes you want to forget about everything for just that moment and revel in the peacefulness of being secure in your room, while a storm blasts outside.

When it rains, you're consciously aware of how you do not want to get your clothes wet, especially when it's white. You feel more vulnerable, more translucent to the stranger's eyes, and therefore, you hide yourself under your bright yellow color raincoat, making sure every button is in its rightful place. You curse yourself again for wearing white, but then again, nothing in the weather spelled rain when you looked out your window that morning.

When it rains, you turn up the volume on your iPod a little more, frowning in annoyance when you miss the favorite part of your song when thunder and lighting decided to have a booming match to see who's louder than the other. You look up from your book and stare at the raindrops, making swirly patterns on your glass window, watching as it slowly weaves a path down, blending with the other raindrops, flowing into oblivion. You get bored of the scene in front of you and go back to your book, but not before taking one last glance at the raindrops, so simple in its nature, yet so enchanting and mesmerizing all the same.

When it rains, you watch as the world outside your home transform into a drenched, sodden land as the rain pounds relentlessly on to nimble, fragile leaves and the wind howls around the shaking limbs of a little spruce. But then, it gets you wondering how they are able to survive through it all. Through being incessantly struck by the ceaseless rain fall, through the gusty blasts of the merciless wind. How those brittle things could withstand something so unyielding, really had me saluting them in my mind. But then you began to realize that it's the rain that helps them grow, that helps that little spruce to grow and become a strong and sturdy tree. It helps them become bigger than they would ever be.

When it rains, you think of how cooling the air would be later, you think of the puddles of water formed in potholes would be fun to jump around in, you think of how vibrantly colorful everything would look after the downpour. How cars become shinier and the bright smile of people upon seeing that the rain has stopped. How everything seem to take on a cheerful disposition following the aftermath of a gloomy weather.

Then you think of the sun shining through the clouds after the onslaught of rain, and suddenly, you're wholly thankful for the rain. Because of what it entails as the last drop of it splashes onto the pavement. Because after the rain, we can always look out for the rainbow arching overhead, promising a brand new day ahead.

We'll always look out for that rainbow, after the rain.

Darlings.

2011-04-07T07:40:00.000-07:00

It's thrilling to think way ahead into the future, where you've already walked down the aisle in that perfect, frothy concoction of a wedding dress and having the little family to call your own.

That little boy with the mischievous grin, that little baby girl with the dimpled cheeks and contagious laughter. Children infinitely yours to hold and cuddle at night and tell bedtime stories to, to toss around in a pillow fort and blow kisses at when seeing them off to school.

It's thrilling to know that in the future, you would get the chance to experience these sort of things, to revel in the joys of their childhood and having the thought of never wanting them to ever grow up. To remain that lovable, innocent girl with the sunny disposition and outlook on everything, to never lose that eager anticipation for new things in life.

& then fawning over them as they draw a picture of what they deem to be the perfect family, with you thinking that it's the best drawing in the world irregardless of the crooked black-lined lips and uneven dots for eyes. That moment when they learned how to ride a bicycle without the necessity of training wheels, you'll feel immensely proud and old simultaneously. Their warmth against yours as they jump into your arms for their daily hugs and smooches, burying their tiny heads into the nook of your neck, and how it fits, just so.

It's thrilling to think that they would come from a part of you, that no one else could ever take that claim except you, that you could have the chance of having a second childhood all over again just by being with the bundle of energy you cradle in your arms. & its also thrilling to know that their tiny little, beating hearts are entrusted fully in your care, that they look to you for protection and guidance, that you are the ones they run to when they're scared of the monsters under the beds or whisper to you about how they're awfully sorry they stole a cookie from the forbidden cookie jar.

It's thrilling, when you think of it, that in the future, the blessing of having a child to call your own would be bestowed upon you. It's a privilege in itself that God has indeed planted this gift, so that you may love them and show them the world that you grew up in, and help them shape a world of their own.

So, its rather saddening and disheartening that people nowadays don't see that. The amount of cases of child abuse is appalling, and i really began to question the humanity that people supposedly possess, that they could even think of harming young souls with their wickedness is indeed an atrocity that i would never be fully able to fathom or grasp. & i never want to.

What could possibly make them have the desire to hurt a child is beyond my reasoning, much less their own offspring. Fathers are their sole protectors, the stronghold they run to when they get scared, but instead fathers become the perpetrators and use their own position as the head of a family to abuse them? It's just disgusting to think that children have to cower in fear of their own parents for all the wrong reasons. And the saying, "Children should only be seen and not heard?" I always feel like giving a shove in this person's behind because what he/she said is total, utter BULL.

Because sometimes it takes the innocence of a kid to bring out the wisdom of an adult, that even though what they say may be the simplest representations of their views on their surroundings, but maybe that's all it takes to fully encompass and appreciate what is going on around us, to grasp something in its simplistic nature without cumbering it with the complexities mankind tends to wrought.

That the uncomplicated perspectives of a child would refresh and liberalize the minds of beings much older than them. & then they say that children should only be seen and not heard? If only adults sat down and listened to what they had to say, they wouldn't be shouting and screeching to garner the attention of older folks. But i guess even for that, most people would not want to waste an ounce of their precious time in their hectic schedule to listen in on the thoughts going through the brains of a 6-year-old. & it's a pity, really, because what children sees and hears and feels can be astonishing, surprising and endearing all at once.

If only we cared. If only we listened.

So, come to think of it, what was suppose to be a really thrilling and exciting experience for mankind as a whole, isn't so thrilling anymore.

Day 0.

2011-03-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

So, to keep me from slacking and help me update my blog as regularly as possible, i've decided to do this 30 days challenge i found on Tumblr, which was actually meant for Tumblr, but since i keep that P&C for my own personal reasons (if yoy really, really wanna know, come ask me personally. Maybe i'll tell you why :)) i switched this to a Blogspot thing, just to keep the flow of my creative juices flowing and not remain stagnant within my brain cells. So, here's to the 30 days challenge, and i hope it'll be a fun one. Of getting to know a little bit more about me, and everything else :)

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your ~~Tumblr~~ Blogger name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about ~~Tumblr~~ blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 30- Who are you?

Love,
Becky :)

?

2011-03-06T05:13:00.001-08:00

I feel like crap.

That is all.

Fighting Dragons With You.

2011-03-05T01:38:00.000-08:00

I dreamed that i had a little sister.

(Jeremy Falls)

She was about seven to eight years old, and we were just walking around what looked like an amusement park because i remember the Ferris wheel, with me clutching her dainty, little palm tightly in my own.

I asked her if she enjoyed all the rides she's been on, and she nodded her head vigorously and jabbered on about it, although i can't remember what she was telling me specifically, but i do remember what she looked like as i twirled her around and felt her petite arms encircled my waist.

She wore a faded floral print, long sleeved T-shirt with a light coloured pair of tights, brown coloured boots and a purple butterfly hairband that sparkled in the rays of sunshine. She had frizzy, black hair that was bunched up in a messy knot on top of her head, and her eyes were so round i tentatively wondered whose genes she got such alluring eyes from. Certainly not my dad, i actually thought to myself as we continued on with our languid walk around the park. She had the pinkest of pink complexion, and it was actually her skin colour that i remembered so distinctly, because it reminded me of how my sisters and I looked, really, looked like.

Well, she was my little sister, in my dream.

I was still holding hands with her wherever we went, just the two of us in an amusement park i couldn't remember much of, just that everything was so vibrantly colourful it should have hurt, but it didn't. What i do remember, is how securely her hand was in mine, just roaming around, not doing much, yet doing everything in that perfect little moment encapsulated within my dream.

Then, she was standing on a bench, gazing at the people ambling pass us in a dizzying haze, and my arms naturally wrapped themselves around her slight torso, and then i gave her a peck on her soft cheek. She was so warm to cuddle, and she smiled excitedly as she animatedly told me something, and i recalled nodding my head along and joined her in what seemed like a very passionate discussion.

& even though we were in an amusement park, we didn't get on any of the rides. I don't remember getting on them, anyway. It was just my little sister and I, clutching hands tightly as we went along different alleys into different roads and different stores, allowing the wind to guide us whichever way it deemed fit.

It all felt so natural, just being with this little girl as we swayed against the breeze. Even though I've never seen her before in the entire 18 years of my life here, I did not possess a single doubt that this tiny tot with the fair complexion, with the rosy cheeks, the frizzy black coloured hair and radiantly sparkling eyes was my little sister, the younger sibling i wished i always had and prayed endlessly for when i had no one to play dress up with or go dancing in the rain with me. & at least, for a few seconds in dreamland, i had the opportunity of meeting her, even if it would last but for a few minutes only. For that one moment in my dream, we laughed and we chatted and we shared candy floss. Her features were as clear as day to me, as distinctive as anyone I'll ever meet in reality.

But most of all, it was the warmth of her small, tiny palm pressed against mine that i remembered the most, her torso that fitted just so into the nook of my arms as we stood there, people watching, just languishing in the clear, cool air and observing as the world passed us by in a blur.

It was just for a few seconds, but it was like I've known this girl for a lifetime. Like I've been siblings with her all along, that she wasn't a figment in my dream, that she was real, that i actually grew up with her and witnessed as she grew up with me.

However, it all ended without a warning, without a single signal. The scenery changed, i don't remember letting go of her hands, but somehow i knew that she wasn't there with me anymore, wasn't there to wonder and speculate at this morphed environment. Soon, she was no more than a passing image dissolving in the background as i went on dreamily, already wandering off, that little girl forgotten, already a faded picture tucked into a corner with the rest of my previous whimsical dreams.

I wished she was here with me though, to whisper with me in the middle of the night when both of us can't fall asleep just yet, to share stories from school, to share clothes and shoes and pretty accessories, to laugh together at the silliest things and to cry when a someone dies in a movie. To be comfortable in an amiable silence, to be boisterously loud when the silence gets unbearable, to pull dramatic acts at our parents and sing along deafeningly to every Taylor Swift song played on the radio. I want to share my preferred taste in music with her, swap books with her, share secrets i don't ever want to share with anyone else but her, fight with her, go in-line skating with her, annoy the living daylights out of her, draw smiley faces and big heart shapes on her arm. To give each other advice and giggle endlessly about our crushes, to lend each other our shoulders to sob on when burdens gets a little too heavy for one person to bear, to get emotional with when everyone seems stoic and dull.

Or rather, i wished my sisters were here with me, doing random stuff all siblings do, teasing and laughing till your side aches, dancing around and smiling when you hear their voice.

(aurelique)

& i just wish i have a sibling alongside me, to chase after moonbeams and to fight dragons with.

Sa-woooooon.

2011-02-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

i was gonna write out a long, lip-smackingly juicy post today.

and then i went, "You know what? screw these long, wordy posts. Imma post up a picture of Colton Dixon and to heck with updating regularly."

and so i did.

And then one more of Kevin McHale, who looks mildly confused :)

there, my dosage of eye candy.

goodbye.

Starless.

2011-02-17T05:39:00.000-08:00

Safety is when you know what's going to hit you, and you're totally ready for the blast that would knock you off your feet.

I don't have that kind of safety. I feel like everything is closing up on me and eventually i'll be drowning in my own worries and fears.

I feel threatened. I feel as if going through the motions of the day is as tedious as trudging under the blazing sun in the scorching heat of a desert.

I don't look forward to spending time in college, because that nagging, spiteful reminder of feeling worthless, of feeling just so down in the dumps and dejected always gets to me.

There's always fleeting moments of happiness. But how long could that last to make this prolonged ache go away?

How long could i keep up with this facade that i'm tricking everyone into believing, that i'm tricking myself into believing?

When will the time come when i finally let myself break down and just wail to my heart's content?

what am i going to do, with myself.

Carpe Diem.

2011-02-12T23:08:00.000-08:00

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

-Keating; Dead Poets Society.

Conflict.

2011-02-06T03:09:00.000-08:00

Do you know that sinking feeling? that feeling fabricated entirely out of despair, of feeling trapped in your own suffocating emotions hardly knowing the way to liberate yourself from all the turmoil that's going around you?

That feeling of utter hopelessness and fear, of being so uncertain about what's to come and how to handle the unexpected when it hits you right smack in the face, how to keep your emotions at bay in this critical period in time.

That feeling of being rejected, of not being good enough. Thinking that your best just isn't what they want, that horrid, sinking feeling of being plunged deep down underwater, gasping for air, gasping just to stay alive.

Then you take a long, drawn out breath and assure yourself that everything is going to be fine, that it would work out, even if it's different from what you want. Because if one door closes, another one opens. You tell yourself that the world is full of opportunities, that eventually you'll have one that's just right for you.

I'm so scared, so fearfully scared of the future. I feel like bursting out in tears, feel like screaming on a mountain top to release this detestable feeling. I feel like sleeping my life away, not wanting to think what's ahead in the dark. I hate worrying, hate over thinking and overreacting, hate it when so many negative thoughts gets to me and i get lost in this web i entangled myself in.

I don't know what to do. I don't wanna end up in a disappointing state. I need a constant to grasp onto in this ever changing environment, the one thing i am certain of that would never morph together with this expanding world.

& i know that constant. I just don't know why i'm hesitating.
I just don't wanna feel anything, anymore.

I'm just frightened, that's all.

Mine,

2011-02-04T05:40:00.001-08:00

"It’s funny how one summer can change everything. It must be something about the heat and the smell of chlorine, fresh-cut grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms, the steam rising while everything drips around it. Something about long, lazy days and whirring air conditioners and bright plastic flip-flops from the drugstore thwacking down the street. Something about fall being so close, another year, another Christmas, another beginning. So much in one summer, stirring up like the storms that crest at the end of each day, blowing out all the heat and dirt to leave everything gasping and cool. Everyone can reach back to one summer and lay a finger to it, finding the exact point when everything changed. That summer was mine."
— Sarah Dessen (That Summer)

Jubilant!

2011-02-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

*dances around room*

see ya'll after one week of mindless activities!
&, happy chinese new year :)
love,
Becky.

Walk With Me?

2011-01-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

I want a guy like that, the guy from the American Idol audition who never gave up believing that his fiance would wake up from the coma after that tragedy.

I want a guy like him, a guy that wouldn't bolt at lightning speed when he sees and acknowledges the ugly side of me. Instead, he picks me up, and smiles through the day just to brighten up my world. That he wouldn't leave me at my worst but instead makes the best out of the situation even if things starts looking a little bleak. He would be there at the lowest point, not because he has to, but he wants to.

Those type of guys? they inspire me. They be the best they can be for the sake of their other half, they don't have to brandish swords or flex their muscles to show just how strong and courageous they are, because that isn't face value, that comes from within.

Those kind of guys?

They're definitely worth waiting for :)

Splintered;

2011-01-26T08:55:00.001-08:00

i don't think we're perfect the way we are.

We are all flawed, shattered, broken in ways that no amount of duck tape or glue or kisses from parents would be able to fix, faulty in places hard to reach. We're human, people with mistakes and issues of our own. We've got bruises and aches that hurts for a longer period of time, we have cuts that are not meant to vanish, but instead remain as memento of who we were, and what we've become.

We're people, human, we're not meant to be perfect. We've got all these blemishes for a reason, as proof that we've survived the worst, and also as an indication that we are actually strong enough to face tougher and more daunting challenges that we can ever imagine. It shows us that we have the endurance to strive on.

Perfection shouldn't be what people go after, not because it's wholly impossible, but rather they're missing out the whole point in living. The scars we've earned through the hardships that we face makes us who the people we've been moulded into, it stands out as a testimony of what we're capable of withstanding, it shows that we don't have to achieve perfection in order to be beautiful. Because these scars, these so called shortcomings is what makes us as human beings, real. Instead of being an eyesore, it makes us, striking. We're like broken glass, because even if we can't be fully restored to our original state, the broken shards and pieces of ourselves would still be as mesmerizing and enchanting all the same, irregardless of how the light would shine upon the uneven surface of our fragmented personality.

Because through our imperfections, we're amazing people; through our inadequacies, the perfection of God shines in our flaws.

People aren't meant to be perfect, but we're all wonderful, and extraordinary, and admirable and all things tremendous and lovely,

just the way we are :)

Random Thought;

2011-01-18T03:01:00.000-08:00

SIGH. Those were the days when sleeping in class was actually an option.

In college? Don't even think about resting your weary head when the lecturer starts bombarding you with new facts and new lessons and there you go, furiously jotting down notes and cramming it into the margins at the speed of light.

KIDS, Cherish the days when you actually get to sleep in class. It's a luxury.

18 Years on Earth;

2011-01-03T04:10:00.001-08:00

in 2010 I :

- enrolled into college, not knowing what to expect yet ran headlong into it anyway.

- subsequently thought i would be loser personified, thought that i would be that miserable kid sitting in the corner munching on her sandwich. I WAS SO WRONG. SO TOTALLY, WRONG.

- thought it would be an easy year to get by. WRONG AGAIN.

- went out the most.

- walked the most.

- used public transportation the most.

- drank bubble tea the most.

- never thought i would ever loathe writing English essays.

- felt utterly disconnected with some friends, yet totally bonded with others.

- was at my lowest, however felt like i was on top of the world countless times.

- was inspired to do many things

- turned 18

- got a pet tortoise, named it Rebecca Ohm, and found out later it's a male

- said many farewells

- got pick-pocketted for the first time. And stolen from after someone broke into my dad's car. Hopefully it wouldn't happen ever again.

- actually missed my school uniform. Saves me the trouble of picking out clothes for college everyday.

- went for two dress up events which i enjoyed thoroughly.

- laughed one of my loudest, and also cried one of my hardest.

- was pretty confused much of the time

- bought the most books, using my own money

- got another cousin, another addition to the brood

- the first time i celebrated Chinese New Year without the presence of my grandma. Without going for visitations to my dad's side of the family.

- went on the most karaoke trips which was helluva fun.

- PLUS, the most times i actually sang along to Bohemian Rhapsody with people joining in.

- tried many new things, by myself :)

- received alot; gave alot.

- went to Sunway again :)

- got a little somethin' soomethin' :)

- never had to dabble with the nonsense of mathematics. Ever.

- never hated Economics so much in life

- first time i ever saw my mum gave a lecture (as in, like a classroom lecture, not a mother scolding daughter lecture, albeit i've had those plenty of time :P)

- got hitted on by random strangers. ERCK.

- thought i could forget. TOUGH LUCK THERE HUNNAY.

- had some pretty tough decisions to make

- rolled my eyes in exasperation hundreds of times

- never felt so undermined before, yet also, sometimes, incredibly confident

- sometimes wonder if i ever make sense at all

- got messages written on my mirror :)

- painted my nails turquoise

- discovered my love for bracelets and bangles

- also discovered the wonders of torrenting. HEAVEN.

- learned about myself and everything that comes with me a little more

- still feel that i'm at age 10, like i haven't grown mentally since then

- shared, alot.

- experienced many little things, which would eventually make up the big picture of life

- read more books, drew more doodles on notebooks, sketched more silhouettes of objects and people

- actually felt my happiest irregardless of the many downturns i had

- met many like-minded people. People i've come to know as friends :)

- remembered cherished moments in 2009

- stepped into Stella Maris for the last time

- had truckloads of embarrassing and blonde moments

- felt that i was out of touch in so many aspects

- had two of my sisters back from down under :)

- doubted my abilities (or lack thereof) countless of times

- also acknowledged the fact that although i see myself as an optimistic person, i can be real cynical, and skeptical, for quite a number of times

- sprained my ankle for the umpteenth time

- watched the most TVB dramas then i ever had

- watched as electrical appliances slowly shut down, one by one, then getting new ones to replace 'em. Gotta love the sleek, shiny-ness of all things new.

- would be my last year in JIC. Honestly? I'm not looking forward to what being in a new church would to do me. I grew up there, with people i've known all my life, and although i may not have a liking to certain individuals, the fact remains that those people are still familiar faces to me. Leaving that, entering something altogether new...... it's daunting, to say the least,

but ah, that's an issue i'll write about in another blog post.

- still would like to have a pet dog, even though i've known since day one that the chances of my mum cuddling up to a dog is highly, slim. Improbable, considering that my mum isn't fond of anything that sheds fur. OH WELL. I still can hope, nonetheless.

- got many, many purple missiles on my Eng. Lit paper.

- wished for many things.

- faced bitter disappointments.

- felt pretty foolish for a couple of times

I'm pretty sure there's more to this year than what i've written down so far, moments far too indescribable to be strung into a well placed sentence. Moments when you have to experience with me to know what i'm trying to convey. Anyway, this post was long overdue, what with Christmas and my sister and the brother-in-law coming back, numerous family occasions and the new year, minimal studying in between (hey, i still bury of nose in the books okay!) and all that, found it a tinsy difficult to squeeze in a time to update this space on the interwebz.

So, just dropping by to wish all of my readers (if there's still any) a very happy (belated) new year and may it be filled with blessings and all things turquiose and all things cute and fuzzy and lovely :)

and hugs. Lots and lots and lots of 'em :)

Love, Becky.

The Christmas Post.

2010-12-20T21:27:00.000-08:00

You Are Fanciful and Whimsical

You're the type of person who acts on impulse. If you're inspired, you just go for it. You're inspired for a reason.

You are a big dreamer, and you tend to get lost in your ideas. You can't help but imagine how things could be.

You tend to get swept up in the holidays. You love almost everything holiday related, and you stay as busy as you can.

You're the type of person who might take on too much this time of year, but you hardly notice if certain projects don't get completed.

The Gingerbread Cookie Test

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Are Merry and Spontaneous

You approach the holidays with joy and playfulness.

You refuse to let the holidays be stressful. They should only be about fun.

The holidays truly make you feel like a kid again.

And you believe it's your job to make everyone else feel like a kid too!

Of all the types, you're the most likely to give someone a gift early... because you can't wait.

You're also the most likely to wrap your presents quickly - or not at all.

The Wrapping Paper Test

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You Are Hot Chocolate

Your holiday personality is generous.

The holidays are your favorite time to practice the art of giving.

You enjoy picking out presents, sharing treats, and making everyone's day a little brighter.

And you don't even notice if you don't get anything in return.

What Holiday Drink Are You?

Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

Your Holiday Personality is Caring

Your holidays are all about connecting and sharing. This is a sacred time of year, and you like to spend it with those who are special to you.

You like to make sure everyone around you is comfortable, full of love (and goodies!), and healthy.

You love to surprise people with the best Christmas gifts ever. You will search high and low for that perfect present.

You are always reflecting on the true meaning behind the holidays. You appreciate all that you have been given in this world.

What's Your Holiday Personality?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

I promise a proper post the next time i come back :D Meanwhile, have a berry, merry Christmas and may this season bring you loads of candies that would make your teeth rot. :D

Wings.

2010-11-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

I have a bright idea.

(via bohemiansugar)

why don't we cruise down a shopping mall with roller blades and avoid being caught? why don't we run around in the rain and let the raindrops soak us to the bone? why don't we sit in a corner of a bookshop and inhale the smell of fresh pages and read out excerpts we found interesting in the books we picked out at random? Why don't we snooze on each other's laps in the radiance of the sun? why don't we make silly and funny faces at grumpy old salesladies? why don't we play hide and seek in a departmental store? why don't we all wear bright yellow shirts and paint the town, yellow? why don't we stop in the middle of a busy public area and start singing along to whatever song is playing on the radio? why don't we set up store and sell lemonade by the road side? why don't we kill time by cloud-watching, star gazing? Why don't we chug down gallons of Coke as if our lives depended on it? Why don't we go movie-hopping, and watch 10 in a day? Why don't we pretend we're on the moon? Why don't you buy me those sickeningly sweet lollipops with swirls, and we share, hmm? why don't we refer ourselves as third persons for a day? Why don't we write a song about mundane train rides, or, a poem on how awesome tomatoes and mushrooms are? Why don't we pretend, and think, and imagine, that just for once, fairytales are real? Why don't we have staring competitions and chair-swiveling rides? Why don't we abandon all electronic gadgets for a week and see how we cope and survive without it? Why don't we paint the longest, most vibrantly coloured picture in the world? Why don't we bang on the piano and create a symphony out of noise? Why don't we climb trees and splash around in lakes? Why donn't we dye our hair the same colour we painted our nails with (Turquoise tresses, anyone? no?)? Why don't we share our deepest and darkest thoughts in a candle-lit cave? Why don't we become kids again, smiling because we mean it, or colour a sheep purple just because we feel like it? Why don't we, buy a pony?

(via note-worthy)

So, what say you, are you gonna go on this adventure we me? :)

Dreamer of Dreams.

2010-11-26T17:56:00.000-08:00

We have such dreams for our future. Dreams thriving with ambition, dreams manifested from our unyielding hopes of it turning into reality. We thought of the endless possibilities that might happen, we thought nothing was ever too far fetched when we're living in a world brimming over with endless opportunities and wonder. We thought our dreams and us could go that distance. Could finish that mile.

But as we grew older, as our perspectives starts to mature at each passing moment with experiences we run into, that dream that we had so flawlessly laid out began to erode and dissolve before our very eyes. Our heads weren't stuck in clouds anymore, because we had our feet firmly grounded and rooted in reality. Reality, where all decisions and steps we took must be based on practicality, where everything has to be sensibly thought out and not constructed on fanciful thinking, like we used to when the sky was the limit.

Apparently, there are limitations, even in the context of something so eternally vast.

We pick our way carefully now, choosing the safest and least threatening route to go on. Our dreams of making it big as an astronaut, a Broadway star, a graceful ballet dancer, a successful author gradually gave way to more feasible occupations. Those with no room for sparks of imagination, entirely colourless and dull.

We then folded up our dreams of finding the end of the rainbow with the pot of gold, of finding that elusive four leafed clover, we gave up believing that the tiny knocks on our walls as we tucked ourselves in bed were from fairies bidding us good night, we stopped looking out for shooting stars to wish upon, we never prayed for wings anymore because we know now that it is wholly impossible for human beings to fly. Then, we stowed these thoughts away, taking them out once in a while to mull over, letting it collect dust in the corner of our minds.

My dreams are gone, the dreams that everything is possible, everything is achievable. As i grew older in age, my dreams and ambitions grew more practical, and sensible. It went from being all sparkly and bright, to a dull, fading light. I knew that the world was a harsh place with criticism waiting to pounce on me at every turning, and i also learned that selecting the less riskier path, was the best.

But sometimes, i would think back of what i wanted to be when i was a little girl, what i wanted to search for when i saw a rainbow arching over my bedroom window, or what i heard in my bed at night. I thought of what it would be like to have each of the dreams i've wrought coming true, each of them being handed over to me. If that was the case, i guess there wasn't anymore use for, imagination.

That's why i think it's a blessing to be able to build a world established out of nothing but our whims and fancies, where obstacles are non-existent and we can submerge ourselves in envisioning that perfect world when reality gets a little bleak. We're not given everything we've dreamed because then we would not have a chance to exercise our artistic contraptions, to allow our creative spirit to soar and take flight.

The dreams that we had as little tykes may seem absurd and utterly improbable if you got down to it. But to me, those were the most vital and important dreams that i ever wielded.

Because they gave me a passage to get my creative juices flowing, allowed me the ability to see the possibilities in the impossibles, gave my world a little more colours and vivacity, showed me the seemingly grotesque things and morphed it into something lovely, it showed me that the world was my canvas, and with each stroke of my paintbrush i can contribute something beautiful to the world.

It gave me that inexplicable feeling of, hope.

The courage to dream.

Pillow.

2010-11-12T07:41:00.000-08:00

thanks for the awesome time in Sunway, peeps. :)
let's do it again! :D

Hold on Tight.

2010-11-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

-That split second in the morning, as the sun is slowly peeping through the curtains, rousing you up from a good night's rest. That second when all is silent save the rhythmic beating of your heart and the gradual intakes of breath. That second in time when everything seemed to have stop and a clam assurance just engulfs you, surrounds you. That split second when your mind in empty and is filled with contemplative wonder on how beautiful the beginning of the day really is, the first rays of sunshine of a brand new start.

& then reality comes crashing down and you remember of your expectations, of how you anticipate things, negative things and situations that have yet to come. Horrible predictions that comes part and parcel with a new day. Disappointments to be faced, once more.

But then all that is worth it, just for the one split second when the world radiated of such brilliance, sparkled with such beauty. When the world seemed like such a magnificent place to be residing in.

It is worth it. Even for that split second.-

Never Simple, Never Easy.

2010-10-29T08:25:00.000-07:00

(Blame Taylor Swift for triggering this) (She always triggers sentimental feelings within me.)

Hey you,
Remember those days when we were so close, nothing could break this tight knitted bond we shared even if we ourselves attempted to disrupt it? Remember how we could telepathically read each other's thoughts and opinions just by the facial expression that crossed our faces? Remember all our secret inner jokes that no one got but meant everything to us?

Remember how we used to laugh so much till our side burned? Remember those silence not shrouded with awkward moments, but rather silence where we relish in each other's company, where words were passed even when we said nothing at all? Remember those surprise birthday parties we used to hold for each other, inventing outrageous plans and failing miserably most of the time, but enjoying it anyways?

Remember our numerous movie outings and lunches together after church? Remember the amount of secrets that came out in the open during sleepovers and intimate chats? Remember how we all first met, how we seemed to click all of a sudden, and then how we were inseparable ever since?

Remember how much we actually liked passing our time together, and how church always seemed to be our second home? Remember how we were all interdependent on one another, how closely linked our friendships were? Remember the late night chats and messages we shared that usually lasted till the break of dawn?

Remember the silly things we did, the issues we cried over, issues we thought were the biggest problem to date, but looked so minuscule now? Remember our moments in Sunday School classes usually filled with fun, and the lessons we've learned from one another through our numerous mistakes? Remember those times when we hated each others guts and then the next day we thought we never could've found such wonderful friends to hang out with? Remember all the lame attempts at jokes that we found so funny, remember how we laughed till we cried? Remember that one, or two, nights we stayed up really late and talked till 5 am in the morning?

Remember those times in Aunty Elbie's house when we really bonded? Silly games we used to play? That water fight? Pillow fight? Squash games? Sunway? how we all vowed to stay awake till 5 but dropped dead when the clock struck 2? Cookie baking, running around like idiots, and just having the time of our lives?

Remember all those car rides? Those times brimming over with laughter, those times when we tried to match-make both of them together, those times when it seemed like it would happen. Those times where we thought things couldn't get anymore complicated, but it just did?

Remember?

Well, if you do, like i am doing now, i just want to ask you, whatever happened to, us? whatever happened to our friendship that was supposedly so indestructible that absolutely nothing would ever make us, yield. What happened to those moments when we knew that through it all, we'll stick to each other, like glue. UHU glue.

what happened to us, now?

& you just can't comprehend how much it makes my heart ache to watch us in the conditions we are, today. Drifted away, somewhat indifferent, and a polite word or two in passing. No one would've thought, could've guessed that we had made such a deep impact on one another in our history.

i miss you. All of you. ~~Could we amend the decisions we've made?~~

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time
-Breathe; Taylor Swift

Love,
Becky.

because all of these makes up my world.

2010-10-10T03:13:00.000-07:00

(via: heydudeily )

-that feeling of waking up and just knowing it in your bones that it's going to be a lovely day.

-that feeling of smelling your favourite smell, and then closing your eyes, savouring its scent.

-that feeling of listening to a song that is so apt for the situation you're in. It either makes you cry harder, or laugh louder :)

-that feeling of reaching the conclusion of a book, or a movie, that bittersweet feeling of accomplishment, yet unwillingness to part with the story you have grown so attached to.

-that feeling of seeing your parents chuckling together over a silly joke, eyes crinkled humorously, that grateful feeling of having such fun-loving parents to come home to :)

-that feeling after a nice, refreshing shower. Especially those after a humid day. Pure, utter, bliss.

-that feeling of seeing an old, aged couple still holding hands, and still looking very much in love with each other.

-that feeling when you're thinking about your future, and inadvertently, you'll think of the mini-you, that little girl with an uncanny resemblance of you when you were her age, and how pretty she'll look in her floral, summer dress. How adorable her chubby fingers would look like, clutching a dandelion in her small palms. don't you ever wonder?

-that aching feeling after side splitting laughter with friends, and just one mere look would send us into fits all over again.

-that calm feeling of reading a story until the wee hours in the morning, never putting the book down until you've flipped to the very last page, 'The End'.

-that feeling of hearing your favourite song blasting in a mall or a store, and then yearning to break out to sing along to the lyrics, dancing a little jig. Please tell me you had this feeling. it wouldn't be that embarrassing then, since i do sing along :)

-that feeling of drawing smiley faces over all your friend's notes, and the smiles they'll give in return, on their faces and on paper. :D

-that feeling in the dark hours of the night when everyone is sound asleep, when the world gets a little eerie and menacing all of a sudden, and then you think of the rays of sunshine the next morning :)

-that feeling when you see siblings playing around with one another, shrieking with laughter. Makes me think of my time spent with my sisters :)

-that feeling of sharing a smile, gesture, a wink, a mere look that only you and your best friend understands. That one smile that would share a thousand words.

-that feeling of being alone in the bookstore, with just shelves and rows of books. Just you and beautifully written words. The smell of new books. ZOMG.......THESMELLOFNEWBOOOOKS.

-that feeling of watching a couple on screen falling bit by bit for each other as time passes, and knowing that through it all, they're gonna end up together, because that's how it absolutely HAS to be. I'm such a sucker for sappy movies.

~~-that feeling of getting free food!!!~~

-that exhilarating feeling when on a roller coaster ride.

-that feeling after watching Gilmore Girls :)

-that feeling of having a tiny toddler clinging onto your fingers, knowing that it actually gives them a sense of security. Then, having them smile back at you. It just melts my heart.

-that feeling of giving and receiving, hugs :) thanks for the cuddles :)

-the feeling of contentment, how you're happy with the way things are and nothing could alter this stability you've built.

-the feeling of warmth, of love.

-that feeling of uncertainty when thinking of what is about to happen, when you're facing a crossroad, not knowing which way to turn. But also knowing that hey, whatever happens, He's in control :)

-that feeling of remembrances of climbing trees and dances in the pouring rain with childhood friends,

-that feeling when you think of all your friends, and knowing that deep down you would never, ever trade them for the world. Because ten thousand worlds would never make up for such beautiful souls :)

(i love all of you, justsoyouknow)

Doesn't every moment aforementioned, makes you tingle inside and lights up you world?

Insignificantly;

2010-09-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

(Via papertissue)

Murdering someone, can be executed in different ways. Strangulation, plunging a sharp object into their pumping hearts, launching a person off the highest building imaginable, drops of poison into servings of food, deceivingly scrumptious until perhaps, the last bite.

But have you ever thought of how a person can be verbally, emotionally, and mentally murdered?

You abuse them with spiteful, acidic words, hurling insult after insult, never sparing a thought of what such volleys of ruthless and unrelenting words could affect an individual's state of mind. This, would feel like torture, would feel as if someone was actually bringing about physical pain. This kills, gradually, weakens the senses, crumbles the confidence that has been built so immaculately, it generates that feeling of total helplessness, a searing agony of affliction and torment.

its worst than being physically harmed, worst than having bruised ribs and broken bones. At least the after effects are immediate, and at least the wounds can be healed with the right amount of antidote and soothing.

But how can you heal a wound that has been inflicted inwardly? it takes a lifetime. A lifetime of attempts to forget and attempts to strive on irregardless of what happened, a lifetime to counter the effects of a bruised heart. A lifetime to be ridden of this disturbance.A lifetime to mull over every suppressed thoughts until its brought to light, a lifetime to empty your mind of everything that has been bottled up inside, thoughts forcefully stifled to keep emotions in check. To not make a fuss out of it.

And yet, because it's hurting so much, there's a need to fuss over it.

It took a lifetime to achieve. To forget. Forget that you ever deemed me worthless in your sight. Yet you come hurtling back with the cacophony of chaos in your wake.

But you know what? I'm not that naive, foolish little girl you accused of being insignificant anymore, i know who i am as an individual, and what i am going to be is not decided by you, but sculptured and molded by my Heavenly Father. Even if you look down your bulbous nose and sniff and pass judgment on me, it would be like words thrown at the wind, nothing to be gained from your hateful words and condescending gaze. So who are you to determine the likes of me when i've already entrusted my future into a God whose merciful enough to even spare you your life?

One thing i've learned from you though, that when i eventually grow up, you're going to be the prime, shining example of a human being whose footsteps i would never follow, whose despicable behaviour i would learn, not to learn from.

Thank you though, for still being an inspiration, in all the wrong ways.

Insignificantly,
rebecca.
-

PS. I've removed the C-box, coz i've been receiving a lot of crap messages recently. So please, do me the honour of fully utilizing the comments option below every post if you have any opinions you would like to voice out based on what i have written. :) Plus, my formspring page is still open to questions, so ask away! thank you!

18,

2010-09-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

My 18th birthday?
It was, to say the least, great :)

What with:
-a night out with my parents at a Korean BBQ restaurant that had a lovely ambiance and deliciously cooked food :)
-birthday breakfasts and dinners
-the smashing time i had with the high school loves, thank you for making my day after that tiresome exam :) ;) High school wouldn't have been much without you guys ;)
-karaoke session in a gi-mungous room accompanied with an equally gigantic TV, singing my heart- and voice- out with the college friends :D it was, tremendously fun! Thank you, Roweena & team, for organizing this for me, for the heartfelt gifts you gave, and just for aconpanying me, thank you :)
-the sisters skyping in to give me my birthday 'present' :D
-bookfest. enough said.
-shopping trips with momma, and time spent with her :)
-that 'buka puasa' dinner with the church friends :)
-Rebecca Ohm. and her/his fussi-ness.
-Hui Ee's nicely handmade birthday card. You really have a talent there girl, keep it up! :D
-Rosie, dancing :0
-side-splitting laughter with the sisters :)
-actually, side-aching laughter with everyone in general!
- all the Facebook, text messages, phone calls and other birthday wishes.
-the cards i've received from the cousin sister and aunt :)
-the weather after the rain on September 8th
-my first Foosball games with the college mates, it, was, so, FUNNY!
-*dreamy look* my turquoise collection increasing tenfold...... ;)

there's much more events that have made September even more special than its already, is. But for now, i'll just wanna thank all of you, again, for taking the effort to make it a memorable 18 for me. :)

Oh Wait;

2010-09-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

This week, i have promised myself to study as much and as hard as i can physically and mentally withstand. I don't know if I'm achieving my target or not, but the fact that i have finished reading my Psychology textbook AND notes, plus brush up on my Business Studies as well, should be considered as an accomplishment nonetheless.

look Sarah, my 'I Was Told So' files! :D
yes, studying, and taking macro shots. hehehhehheh.

It seems like my blogging mojo has been down lately, and the worst part is i have yet to discover the source of this, slight deficiency. I like writing, more than usual, so i still can't comprehend the fact that I'm not keen on purging out my inner most thoughts into blog posts at the present moment.

i think i suffer from, what they normally call it, and something i've encountered too many times and at the worst moment imaginable, writer's block. It's not helping either since i have a 2000 words Literature essay to complete. I hope chocolate can cure me of this insufferable 'disease'.

*

oh, lemme introduce you to my fascinating magnet. i call it Crunch, for obvious reasons. Everyone, meet Crunch!

it's superpower is to disguise as a tantalizing bar of chocolate by day, alluring the greedy and then capturing and enslaving them in its snare!

and by night, it serves as a guitar for aspiring musician, L.A.M.B.

rock on,

*

This is my current read, and it being the sixth book in a thirteen books series, i think i've got a long way more to go. However, it's no rush, for i am thoroughly enjoying myself with this action packed series brimming over with highly intense descriptions of battle scenes, elaborate details of monumental events and weapons i wish to yield with my own two hands, adventures that i get sucked into so immensely, it was rather difficult for me to put in down even after hours spent with my nose buried behind the pages. I think it's one of those series worth following, because it absorbed me into a completely different universe where i would be totally unaware of time and just, well, revel in it.

such a joy, no?

Two books i am done with, The Dragon Heir which is the last book of The Heir trilogy, which was pretty impressive, but the last book was kind of a let down due to many factors building up to the final battle scene, and although it had a plot that kept me going throughout the span of three books, it was a disappointment as i came to the last, because firstly, it was one of those endings which does not really denotes an ending, and it was just left hanging there, the kind of conclusions i loathe with vengeance. I know it provides the readers ample space for our minds to roam on the endless possibilities and what would happen later on, and it gives them the opportunity to exercise their imagination skills.

But i hate it. ABSOLUTELY, hate it, because I'm those type that wants a clear cut, straight out, in-your-face endings with no underlying meanings to its ultimatum. No, i despise conclusions that are left neither here nor there, and then i miserably comfort myself in saying that at least i get to surmise my own opinion on what the ending should be like in Fan Fiction. Yes, i do write Fan Fiction, so sue me.

Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex is the seventh book derived from the Artemis Fowl series. Another series i pledge my loyalty to, mainly attributed by how humorously the author has portrayed certain characters and scenes, how it would sometimes boggle my mind with all those technology jargon, but i did get the hang of it in the end. I don't think this is the last though, for the last few pages itself speaks of another adventure that has yet to be published, so mark my words, I'm waiting with bated breath for the next arrival.

And of course, the last book to the Inheritance Cycle. (ZOMGICANNOTWAITLAAAHINEEDITNOWPLEASEPLEASEPLEASSEE)

*

TV series that i'm occupying myself with now: Community. It's really, really funny. Seriously. Like the modern, television-ized version of the breakfast club, where people from completely different lifestyles and personalities are joined together to form a study group, and then yeah, i'm sure your imagination can take it from there.

But really, it's Breakfast Club-isque, minus the vulgarity of course ;)

okay, that's it for tonight,
see you guys when the sun rises ;)

PS. Evidently, i've changed the layout of my blog. Tell me what you think ;)
also, guess what's happening on 08.09.10? :D

You Drew on my Heartstrings ;)

2010-08-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

In no particular order....

PP :D (Pavilion Plan)

Sonia's 18th birthday

McRave 2010

College, 2010.

John's birthday

Deco Team for McRave.

Camp Motivation, 2010.

JIC Anniversary, 2010.

Roweena's birthday.

Karaoke Trips :)

Night of the Stars.

Outings with Shern Li

Outing with High School mates.

moments i have cherished and remembered;
times which made my sullen days, brighter;
friends who stuck with me through thick and thin;
moments filled with laughter, and craziness.
Something that i have enjoyed, thoroughly.

this sums up my life for the past few months within 2010, and to all of you who have been a part of occupying me with nothing short of fun filled times, (you know who you are) i thank you, very much, for your presence in my life :)

It has been a good year thus far, lets make the most of it for the remainder.
Here's for what to come :)
Love you. EVERY, SINGLE, ONE, OF YOU. :)

Wonder-ful.

2010-08-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

I’ve always wondered what it was like to be someone else.

Someone prettier, someone with loads of brains, someone with a lovely, radiant smile. Someone who’s the other half of a twin, someone who walks and strive with confidence, someone who doesn’t constantly weigh herself down with worries, someone with a special, other half. Someone that breezes through life with ease, someone who, when with a snap of her fingers gets whatever her heart had yearned and desired for. Someone who’s imagination doesn’t affect her so remarkably its actually quite scary, someone who doesn’t possess a long list of embarrassing moments, someone who has the capability of completing math questions without constantly telling themselves just how stupid they feel at that very moment. Someone who’s musically inclined, someone who is truly talented and not just a half filled cup, someone who can play the drums, someone who serenades with the guitar in hand, someone who is able to pick out the missing flavours in a dish, someone with green fingers, someone who reads at lighting speed and can finish a book within a day, someone who is able to capture a moment at precisely the right time, right angle. Someone who doesn’t worry what others think of them and absolutely love being who they are. Someone who smiles and mean it. Someone who is able to string words together so effortlessly it doesn’t take them a millisecond to think of a particular word.

Someone who isn’t, me.

Yet, despite of all my flaws, despite all my shortcomings and idiosyncrasies that sometimes I feel like slapping myself in the face for just being this way, I’m actually starting to appreciating it, because this is part and parcel of me, the mould that I’m fitted and structured in, and what I’m about to become.

Because no matter how much I admire a person from afar and thought of how inspiring a subject he or she is, I would like to think that in some way, even though seemingly small, I have at least impacted and inspired a person or two in the whole span of my life.

This is what makes me smile as I look at my reflection everyday, makes me wholly grateful that I’m no one else but me, that I have left my foot print, an imprint on their memory, on their lives, irregardless of how insignificant the outcome, because at least I’ve held the privilege of being a part, of yielding a corner in an individual’s life.

Thank you, for giving me the honour of knowing, you. it’s been a pleasure thus far. :)

PS. I've got this brilliant idea of combining 2 posts into one, which means that my previous, unpublished post of Night of the Stars (which is loooooong overdue) and McRave would be in one post. Yay!

No, this is not because of my infamous laziness. Nope. Not one bit.
~~Okay fine, sue me. I'm so lazy i blobber when i run.~~

Mr. Gray.

2010-07-16T10:57:00.000-07:00

The artist is the creator of beautiful things.

To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.

The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.

The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming.

This is a fault.

Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.

They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written.

That is all.

The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.

The nineteenth century dislike of romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.

The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium. No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved.

No artist has ethical sympathies.

An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style. No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything.

Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art.

Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.

From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician.

From the point of view of feeling, the actor's craft is the type.

All art is at once surface and symbol.

Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.

Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.

It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.

Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital.

When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself.

We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

All art is quite useless.

-Derived from "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde.

Wish me all the best as i embark on a wholly 'disturbing' and 'strange' journey as i delve into the pages of Mr. Wilde's acclaimed masterpiece. Let us all hope my mind would not suffer permanent damage. :)

Define Courage.

2010-07-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

Being a confident and courageous person is often perceived as one overcoming various obstacles to achieve the impossible. Obstacles which also includes something life threatening, decisions that would either make or break you, things that would inevitably send a whirlwind through your once humdrum life until everything starts crashing and tumbling, and your only guidance out of the immaculately pieced puzzles is that source of hope out of the winding tunnel, and just the mere thought of fighting your way out is the courage, the stronghold you cling onto even if the surroundings is slowly suffocating you.

Courage is often perceived as something used to overcome a drastic change in your life, something that only the bravest of hearts possessed, something only superheroes inherit in order to prevent the world from destroying itself. Courage is only needed when a situation so vast it would suck the energy out of us in a split second. Courage is only demanded when we're faced with massive lions with claws that could penetrate the most resilient and steeled armour, when we're at the edge of a cliff where the ground is so far down we can barely see it, but we jump anyway knowing full well that our last seconds in life is about to be spent free falling, escaping whatever chased us to such a desperate height, desperate measure.

is that what you define courage as?

My perception on courage doesn't differ from the fact that it gets people through a vicious period of their lives, not surrendering to be coined as gullible and weak. However, what brought out that courage, that spark of boldness and gallantry, is what makes the most similar of situations to be strikingly disparate.

Being brave is not just going full frontal into something entirely dangerous and knowing the absolute consequence of going head on into it. No, possessing courage is going through a rough patch with your best friend but still thriving on irregardless of how crestfallen, how displeasing the feeling is of not spending even a milisecond with her. Courage is just living day by day with the heavy laden knowledge on your shoulder that you'll still be the subject of bullying, of being dejected, of having your confidence constantly being down graded by horrid people, people who are suppose to be lend a hand, but instead hurls insult after insult, but you still crawl through it all, every, single, day.

-Courage is where you place your feet firmly in your opinions, even when everyone else is on the opposing team, but you face them with vigour, with a renewed resistance in every fibre of your being as you meet the challengers with your shoulders back and head, held high.
-Courage is knowing when to let go, to bid farewell to anything that we've held onto dearly, to move ahead and only look back when we're in front of a warm fireplace, reminiscing on bygone childhood days and playmates.
-Courage is not fighting for our heart's desires, but risking the loss for the benefits of others. -Courage is not something we have to carry alone, but with a common goal, we have the advantage of bearing it with others.
-Courage is when you've recognize you for yourself and appreciate it, when you look in the mirror every morning and say a grateful little prayer of how much you thank God for creating that girl in the reflection, and how much you've become, her. become, you.
-Courage is when you would tell a little kid that everything would be alright even after the many obvious signs that it is in fact, not alright. But that's what you tell them anyway, because you know for a fact that things will look up in the end.
-Courage is letting someone trust you and reciprocating it, with the knowledge in mind that they can wench it back whenever, however they want to, and there's absolutely nothing you can try and remedy it, except watch it fade away.
-Courage is reassuring yourself that even if you feel abhorrent and utterly atrocious on the inside, you still look your best, on the outside :)
-Courage is doing what you think is right, and true to your principles and values, and not placing a thought on what others might butt in and give a piece of their minds on the matter. You, wave, them, off.
-Courage is facing the monsters of everyday life; the condescension, addictions, spiteful comments, rude drivers, walking alone in a deserted alleyway, driving under the pelting rain.
-Courage is speaking your honest opinions on the somewhat aggravating behaviour of your best friend that had been on your nerves for quite some time, not knowing whether she would take it to heart and understand the dilemma, or just plain jeopardize a friendship.
-Courage is going to bed every single night not knowing what the future has in store for us, but trusting that we would wake up the next day and enjoy it to its full capacity.
-Courage is not succumbing to your doubts and fears but instead triumph in certainty.
-Courage is loving someone fully, but taking the risk of having it whisked away from you before you can even say goodbye.
-Courage, is having confidence in yourself, and what you've achieved thus far in the whole duration if your lifetime, irregardless of how meager it may seem in other people's condemning and judging eyes.
-Courage is welcoming changes with open arms even though this would mean having our universe of security, comfort, luxury, everything familiar to us, altered, but still viewing this as a positive sign anyway.
-Courage is staying true to what, or rather to whom God made you to be, not an imitation of someone we admire, not an imposter, but just being, as, well, you.
-Courage is understanding what you are, who you are, and accepting it.
-Courage is making the worst of all circumstances and twisting it to the best of your advantage, never letting it bog you down.
-Courage is watching a horror movie all alone, and then sleeping with your rooms lights off later.
-Courage is laying down our selfish desires for the sake of others.
-Courage is owning up to your guilty pleasure. In my case it's Spongebob Squarepants.
-Courage is stopping the habit of comparing yourself to someone you've come to place on a pedestal altogether, and be grateful, gratefully glad that you're just, ALIVE!
-Courage is knowing when, and what to say 'no' to.
-Courage is admitting your wrong doings and dare to face the music later.
~~-courage is admitting that indeed, you do look like your father.~~

Now that i've shared my perceptions, it's your turn.
So, what's your thoughts on courage? :)

Before the Barricades Arise!

2010-06-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

Listening to various Musical soundtracks, and then browsing through even more to add to my expanding collection, i thought that i should update today, or rather, tonight. Although in actual fact is today coz it's 12.08 AM on a Monday morning :) So good morning to you!

I'm not taken up by the football world cup fever, i'm sorry to say. However, this much needed break from college has given me the chance to get back into my reading habit which could not possibly be prolonged any longer, for i just felt the need to read, and read, and read.

& sniff the pages. They sound like a form of drug. Which, actually applies to the situation i am in.

so, listening to Les Miserables now (which is my current Musical obsession, last was *gulp* to tell you the truth, Sweeney Todd), i shall list out my current reads that i would attempt to finish in the period of 2 weeks, which i doubt i could, but i'll try nevertheless.

I actually don't know why i'm here, why i'm updating. Just, need to fill in the spaces, y'know? & yes, NOTS is still in my drafts section waiting patiently to be posted. :) Camp is this week, yay!

anyway, here's the list, and hopefully this would actually help in my resolution to finish it.

meantime, i also would be rereading a series such as the Harry Potter one, Anne of Green Gables series :), Great & Terrible Beauty Trilogy, Inheritance series, and its been a long while since i last touched the Bartimaeus Trilogy and also the Magician Guild Trilogy. hmmm,

1. Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

2. Streams of Silver by R. A. Salvatore

3. Demons Don't Dream by Piers Anthony

4. Dragons of Spring Dawning by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman

5.Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory McGuire

6. Firebirds by various authors

7. Evensong by Gail Goodwin

8. A Heart of Stone by Renate Dorrestein

9. Crooked Little Heart by Anne Lamott

10. Acorna's World by Anne McCaffrey & Elizabeth Ann Scarborough

11. Fool's Errand by Robin Hobb
12. The Warrior Heir by Cinda William Chima

13. The Book of Tomorrow by Cecelia Ahern

14. Fire & Hemlock by Diana Wynne Jones

15. Borkmann's Point by Hakan Nesser

16. Buzz Riff by Sam Hill

17. Trail of the Black Wyrm by Chris Pierson

18. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
19. Dark Alchemy by various authors

20. King Lear by Shakespeare
21. Macbeth by Shakespeare

Okay you know what? Evidently, it's clearly IMPOSSIBLE to read all these books (& loads more which i did not include) in the span of TWO WEEKS!

okay. I'll stick to the classics then, and until i finish them, i will not touch any of the other books mentioned, or not mentioned. I. CAN, GO. THROUGH. GREAT. EXPECTATIONS. I. KNOW. I. CAN!

*chants "I know I can!" for the rest of the night. oh wait morning*

Love,
:)

When 140 Isn't Enough;

2010-06-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

i'm just so deliriously happy right now that not even your agitating and bothersome presence is able to dampen my elated and jubilant feeling of just being, free.

:)

I like this feeling. I wish it would never go away, because i know that at least this can keep you away from my mind, just for a little while. and that to me, is fine.

I Promise You;

2010-06-06T03:56:00.000-07:00

I see my life flash across the sky,
So many times have I been so afraid.
And just when I, have thought I lost my way,
You gave me strength to carry on,
That's when I heard you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
And, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

-Leona Lewis

Thank you, Lord, for being here with me.

Today-,

2010-06-06T02:37:00.000-07:00

You know how I’m always telling myself to notice and cherish the moments I regarded as insignificant because that millisecond in time might hold up to be something extraordinarily momentous in my life? Yeah, I do say that, but it's not often that I stand by my words and execute it. Thus today, I found myself in a rare disposition as I became increasingly observant to everything around me, because it dawned upon me, again, that the clock's ticking, that my lifetime on earth is something totally unpredictable, that nothing should be taken for granted at this point in life.

Hence, in a Sunday, that is today, I’ve noted a few, peculiar, and somewhat eccentric details woven into the tapestry of my everyday life that I’ve failed to appreciate, but here I shall record it down, so one day I might read back and laugh, and just remember the time I spent pondering on such matters I had in mind,

- Today, I saw a bunch of tourists heading over to Pavilion in the most eager and enthusiastic manner possible, chattering on in a foreign language I’ve come to recognize as Japanese with all their high tech DSLR camerasand scary looking lenses in hand. Then that got me thinking about how I’ve lived here all my life but never had I actually snapped a picture of myself in all the infamous tourist-yy area in KL. I made a mental note to actually get around to it one day, and get as excited as if I did not originate from Malaysia itself.

-Today, I saw a pair of adorable, rosy cheeked twins being cradled in the arms of their parents as they wore matching multi coloured, rainbow dresses. One was being fascinated and entertained by fondling with her dad's short, black hair whilst the other was being caught up by the hustle and bustle around her, & then I thought maybe even at that point in their lives, one would be able to discern their personality types. Quite interesting, really.

-Today, I also witnessed a little girl probably around the age of 5-6 garbed in a tiny cow costume, (black spots, tail, udders and all) excitedly tugging her mother along as they made their way to the entrance of Aquaria, and I found it pretty hilarious that she was dressed as a cow to go and ogle over fishes. & her eyes were so incredibly, round :0

-Today, I also heard Sebastian the crab's voice from little mermaid as he was belting out the song "Under the Sea" as I was passing by Aquaria, and it amused me even more because it not only provided sufficient entertainment for little kiddies in cow getups, I heard the man in front of me singing along to the tunes of this quirky song as he walked off, and personally, that made my day.

-Today, i also saw a man walking out of KFC with a full fledged, Elvis Presley 'do, the curry puff style, weird looking side burns, topped with Elvis' signature sunglasses. I'm a tad surprise he wasn't clad in a one piece, sparkling and shiny bell bottoms, but he definitely had me grinning from ear to ear and made me want to dance along to the beat of "YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOUND-DOOOGGG...."

-Today, I also saw a piece of tissue stuck on the underside of a lady's footwear. & I didn't feel noble enough to head up to her and whisper in her ears that there's a piece of tissue stuck on the underside of her footwear. It's not that humiliating anyway, right?

-Today, I saw a bunch of teenage girls clad in all shades and manners of pink, which caused me stare a few seconds more, and then I had to divert my eyes away for fear that the glare of the frightfully bright colour would permanently damage my eyes. & that too, got me thinking about how, if one day i can gather all fanatics of the colour turquoise together and paint the town, turquoise, wouldn't that be a blast? And also an eyesore for a few?

-Today, I’ve realized how much I want my life to be similar to a musical, to break out into a dance number or a rendition of my favorite song without drawing curious glances from the crowd, heck they can even join in! That's why I’m such a fan of musicals, because it's actually of the norm to sing about everything you encounter, and put your emotions into a dance. It'd be, to say the least, fun :)

-Today, I’ve made up my mind to update my blog notwithstanding the fact that I’ve got an exam on the morrow, and the day after that, and also regardless of how I feel lethargy setting in, but I’ve figured out that hey, there MIGHT actually be readers out there wondering how my day went, how did my week go, how's my life in general (as someone in formspring did ask me that, so thank you for your concern!) so here it is, but I’m not sure if I wrote down everything I had intended to say and made a mental post-it note about it.

But if I do retrieve the mental post-it note, I’ll make sure I’ll let you know & get back to it in a jiffy.

-Today, I also told myself that reviving the old-time hobby of writing and drawing does sound, enticing :)

-Today, I’ve also realized how very glad I am that Iven is back! :D coz his silly antics never fails to amuse me :) am happy that you're back, ex-small boy :). & also his amazing abilities to capture me in all my un-glam splendour.

Observe, me, being, fuglyyyy.

i shall come to an abrupt end now as i would make my way back to the pages of my Psychology textbook which i am not psyched for. Heh, pun intended.

Yeah, today wasn't much of a fairytale as Taylor Swift had written and sung about, but hey, if everyday were a fairytale, life would be pretty mundane without our own input of imagination in it. So, it was my day, and that i am wholly grateful for :)

Okay, till next time,

Love,
Owner of Blog.

PS. Next up, NIGHT OF THE STARS! :D

Petals.

2010-05-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

Only can Die Once, Right Sir?

2010-05-12T08:06:00.001-07:00

You Have an Extremely Active Imagination

Your mind is vivid, lively, and colorful. There is a lot going on in your head.

You have the ability to make pictures and movies in your mind. You are extremely visual.

Your creativity knows no bounds. You don't put restrictions or limits on your thoughts.

You have a gift that other people wish they had. So exercise that imagination as much as you want!

How Active is Your Imagination?

Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

The thing about my imagination is, when i already pictured something that i've been secretly yearning for so astoundingly vivid in my head that it almost seems to be impossibly real, i've unconsciously raised the bar of expectations for myself, wanting to achieve and have that image i've conjured up to be within my reach, to be wholly tangible, to be undeniably, real.

Ironically what makes me, me, would also be the contributing factor of my downfall, and yet this thing we call our imagination, it lets me create and construct a quaint, little place wrought up in my head where no one else but i alone am allowed to tread upon, where i am able to see beyond all practical and logical reasonings that the world made it a point to inculcate within me, where for once i'm allowed to roam free without even a tinge of disturbance from anyone, or anything, that have the innard desire to block my path to, well, liberation.

It's like flipsides of an ordinary coin, i know that it would release me of my burdens in reality for it has helped me so, many times that it has inevitably became a part of who i am, yet with this in mind, i am perhaps indirectly bringing about my own destruction in a way i cannot possibly describe, because only my mind can comprehend it, and i think that alone is enough.

What am i thinking? I really, don't know.

*
So here's an update about me, generally, and about my life, in a nutshell.

huuuuuuu.

College has been, to say the least, redonkulously fantastic! It's not just the crowd of people that i've come to recognize as the friends i would share a lunch table with, that i would laugh my loudest with (although not a difficult feat), that i would talk from dusk to dawn if given the oppoturnity and time, that i seem to possess alot of common interest with and i feel utterly at home and comfortable with, but the fact that i think everything, every piece in the jigsaw puzzle, it has all finally fallen into the designated place and i can be whomever i wish to be without garnering condescending gazes and harsh words my way.

& also the fact that everyone i know never gave me the impression of being superficial, that they're all openly friendly and welcoming smiles that literally radiates, warmth :) I love, especially, my Literature class 'gang', (if you could call it that) because albeit it's the toughest and most strenuous subject for my brains on the list, it's worth the struggle for a bunch of fun loving, zealous, insightful and somewhat philosophical classmates and i'm thankful that i get to surround myself with such people like them, everyday. They're very, inspiring. Especially during our unofficial debates on matters derived from the pages of Jane Eyre and the very meaning of poems i've finally come to understand. And they're so indubitably, funny :)

It's just that feeling, y'know? The feeling that no matter what, these are the people that you can depend on, well, at least for Literature :) No regrets on taking that subject up, even if i'm scoring well below my expectations. That's okay, i shall remain an optimist! :D

In short, i'm loving everything about College, i think it's just getting even better as time passes. Except the exam part though, but mehhh, whatever, i can live.

*
I've been doodling/drawing more than usual lately, although i've yet to discover the source of this sudden frenzy to swirl out the elaborate details of a flower petal and cheesecakes tucked in a corner. All i know that my heart guided my left hand, thus my left hand picked up my three trusty minions known as colored pens, and then i began my session with the creative side of me accompanied with a blank sheets of paper or an empty, not disfigured or defaced yet, notebook :)

By notebook i mean old fashioned ones, those you write on, and not type on. I've always had somewhat unhealthy obsessions with notebooks since i can remember.

My three trusty minions :)

Till then,
Love,
Owner of Blog.

Because I am Personally Handmade by, God :)

2010-05-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

Inspiration, something that I lack most of the time. My brains would wheeze, sputter, choke ~~and die~~, a frown would be creased on my forehead, the left hand aching to write something, anything at all. No, it’s not a writer’s block, for I do not truly qualify as a full fledged writer, yet, just being somewhat, empty in the head. & yet, there’s this urgency to jot down words, even if the numbers of it are few. Perhaps it’s to get my mind off irksome matters, perhaps my fingers need a little exercising where typing in neither involved nor included, perhaps there’s a burden I’m just dying to get off my laden shoulders.

Perhaps I just feel the need to, write.

The journey ahead of me is endless, daunting, menacing and filled with uncertainty. A little winding path stretched out in front of me as I stood there, a little hesitant to carry on, so instead of looking straight on to the peaking horizon, I turned my back towards the path before me and stared at the long trodden dirt road that I have left the imprints of my the soles of my old, white sneakers. I squinted into the distance, seeing vague, blotchy shapes that were supposedly the form of arching trees.

I remembered the difficulties that I had encountered through that trail, the pangs of loneliness I felt whenever a fellow companion would leave and continue on at the different direction of the forked road, creating her own adventures as she went along the way, where I could never be included; the many thorns that pricked my skin as I went trudging along the winding road; many decisions & choices to be made on the spot, and some were to my utter dismay, made with bad intentions and negligence; not knowing with way to head for, losing the willpower to strive onwards, towards the path that has already been designated for me since the beginning of my time.

Not many memories were fond and it would rather provoke a grimace instead of resounding cheerful, laughter. But these experiences, situations and encounters that had come to me are still treasured within a nook in my heart, because they are as vital as breathing and rest at night. These are the form of books that I learned from, for it teaches me beyond what mere pages can contain. You learn, not only through diligent reading, but through new found experiences, something felt, something seen and heard, for that would achieve a greater impact that anything else ever imaginable.

At every footprint I left, I shredded off a little bit of me as well. The bits were my thinking was naïve, ignorant and pretentious, the part where life was still stuck in a blissful oblivion of fairytales and castles built out of far fetched dreams and illogical thinking, where colour rainbows existed everyday.

But I’d known better; rainbows weren’t as colorful anymore for they became dull and lusterless, and the clouds turned grey and pelted raindrops all the time. Somehow, they lost their thrill, and that’s when I couldn’t turn my back on the concrete and undeniable truth, that reality isn’t all about meeting prince charming and getting married in a pink castle, that a kiss would never revive a person back to life, a beast would remain as one for the rest of its sad, pathetic life and mice are considered as a constant nuisance.

That’s when reality hits you hard on the face and you have no sheer power to retaliate the painful, excruciating blow. And yet, despite of all these, I smiled and reminisce to the times I had on that particular road I had traveled and thought of my current situation I am placed in. How long ago was my first baby steps to the walkway of life? My first whiff of earth’s intoxicating air….

We had come a long way, didn’t we? I asked myself.

So I’d say, thank you Lord, for the memories, trails, toilships and episodes that would remain significant and unforgettable. Thank you for the hindrances and burden I had to carry, thank you for the new found knowledge that I had the chance to absorb along the way, and I know there is still room for more information to be processed and pondered upon. Thank you, for the numerous criticisms, because that would be the foundation in which my growth as a human being could mature upon.

Thank you, above all, for everything You’ve done and provided for.

Thus, here’s a toast to what the future has in store for me, because no matter what steps in my path the next time around, I would say,

Come what may.

Sunny Day, innit? :)

2010-05-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

You Are Positive

You are the likable type. It would be hard not to like someone as sunny and upbeat as you!

You are actively engaged in the world around you. You don't stray too far from your friends.

You try to make every moment fun, and you refuse to let life get you down. You savor a good chuckle.

You are attracted to people who are excited about life. You like to surround yourself with joy.

The Happy Smiley Test

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

Apologizing?

2010-04-24T02:08:00.001-07:00

& i'm sorry for those who gets tired of reading, coz my posts tends to get a little wordyy. But i guess, that's just being, well, me :) coz i tend to take my thoughts a little too, seriously :) But no harm done, eh?

But, thanks for sticking around anyways, and also, don't forget to ask me all your random questions :)

How're You, Lately?

2010-04-24T02:06:00.000-07:00

I guess we’re all influenced by our surroundings in different ways. People, human beings around us, for example, tends to be one of the most influential factor in our lives, with the habits they have, the outfits they don on, their opinions on mind boggling matters, even down to the things they have in their possession, and although it is difficult to admit it, but the smallest detail of a person that never fails to inspire us would be taken into account, and we began customizing ourselves to fit into the mold and image of the being we’ve inevitably come to place on the pedestal.

We’ve always heard the saying to ‘believe in ourselves’, to achieve that far-fetched, impossible dream, to go for all the cliché phrases because of that one fact in which we truly thought we have the right mindset, the precise ounce of confidence with positive vibes virtually oozing out of our pores. It’s when we thought that once we’ve reached the end, the goal with the trophy in tow that we’ve finally broken free of the wretched hold that society has upon us, because we’ve perceived ourselves as the embodiment of originality, and become so exuberantly proud of ourselves for reaching this final stage.

But that’s where we’ve been wrong, or rather, where I’ve been wrong, because, no matter how much I try to convince myself that people have no hold on me and my thoughts, sayings, and even mere musings are of my own, I ultimately would be cheating myself, because at the heart of it all, I know that one thing that I cling onto the most is acceptance by others, going by what they think and not my own wants, being compelled to make decisions that are based on their perspective . & I probably didn’t have the guts to admit this unpleasant fact to myself because, I’ve always pictured myself as being on who, goes against the tide.

I’m a hypocrite. A hypocrite to myself, to those who know me, to my own beliefs, I’ve told myself that I’m not made and created, specifically placed on this earth to people-please my way into the fold and layers of this complicated system we call life, that the judgments of others would not affect me so tremendously like a sword piercing through, but so many things, evidently, is easier said than done.

I think it’s just natural, human nature, for someone wanting satisfy and please the desires of people we have come to regard highly, which means to say that I’ve never really depicted myself as a girl with needs to be met and dreams to fulfill. I’ve never gave myself a chance for that, because I’m too busy taking on the burdens of others while I neglected my own. I want everyone around me to be as cheerful and as zealous as I presented myself to be, but I’ve never thought to actually keeping up to that façade that I wrought and be genuinely, happy.

Is there something wrong with me? No, really, is there?

I watched the lady slowly making her way towards the entrance, pushed the glass door open and looked around tentatively before heading towards the counter to register, scribbling her name onto the notebook given. She looked like any normal woman would, a passerby I would not even do a double take at, a middle aged lady clad in a track pants with a loose fitting Tee, someone I wouldn’t even bother wondering about. But there I was, just thinking, wondering, musing, about her in general. How was she like when she was a toddler, was she full of life? A bundle of energy? Is she the apple of her parent’s eyes? I wonder, if her hopes and dreams were fulfilled, if she managed to climb the ladder of success and achieved all she ever wished for. I wonder, if she didn’t, did she give up hope, did she give up that one goal in life to satisfy her needs, to see to it that her necessities come first, and not her wants. Has she placed her aspirations at the back seat of her life as her days grew older? Has hope began to dim at each passing month, passing day? Was she living the life she dreamed of, and if she did, was it enough for her? Or did she want more, so much more to fill the voids between, the spaces in her life that seems impossible to replace?

As she quietly went out and into the busy streets did i only forced my thoughts away for the moment, to say a silent prayer for the unknown lady i got a little, closer to, that hopefully, she would not give up on life even if it gave up on her, that she would somehow bring blessings to others because that would subsequently be a blessing in disguise, for her. I wish you, all the best in, life.

Because, i'm slowly and assuredly, making my way into this maze of a world. I hope you would, too. & i also hope that you know, that, someone would always be waiting patiently, waiting for that day when you would finally go, home.

Asketh.

2010-04-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

Gotta love "The Weiner & The Bun" song,so painfully hilarious to watch :) I'm going to miss this show, so so much.

THEY BETTER HAVE A GOOD ENOUGH REASON FOR CANCELING THIS SHOW.

*
Now, lemme introduce a little addition to my blog, its called the ask-all-you-want-thingy-which-will-hopefully-answer-all-your-random-questions, thingyy. There's no particular reason why i'm putting this up, it's one of those spur of the moment kinda thing and knowing the questions going through your minds is, i predict, going to be a blast answering, because who knows what anwers i would reply back, and what random stuff you people can come up with.

So come on, interact with me :) & hopefully i'll be able to answer all your unanswered questions :) Is on the right-handside of the page in BRIGHT turquoise. :) Note that there are many smiley faces to appeal to your soul, so :):)

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.formspring.me/BecksChan"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;http://www.formspring.me/BecksChan&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

& here's a big one to start ya'll with, my answers will be revealed if you click on the link above it.
Taa!

PS. Sarah, please, no asking why a raven is similar to a writing desk. i wouldn't reply. :)

.

2010-04-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

Truth Hurts, No?

2010-04-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not suppose to be here, that i'm supposed to be studying diligently, tucked somewhere in the corner of my bedroom with my head buried behind notes and high-lighted texts on Jane Eyre and various poems, but you know what? It's difficult, it's so insanely difficult for me to get out of my head things that are entirely redundant and hammer in the facts in which i can actually make use of, in which normal everyday things are suppose to be comprehensible, in which understanding, grows.

But i'm so exhausted of thing that will belittle my confidence, that will set me off in all the wrong manners, that will plunge me down into the deepest pit until that one speck of light, that tiny hope of escaping and wrenching myself free, isn't there anymore. I wish people won't take pleasure in disrupting my comfort zone and leave it as it was- serene, enchanting, sublime, lovely. I wish there was some place on earth where peace actually exists and it's not just some illusion or a fragment of our imagination that we're all chasing after, but to what avail?

I've cast a spell upon myself, thinking that my world will end up like perfect pieces of jigsaw puzzles fitted together faultlessly, accurately. Precise. Then, it came crumbling and crashing, one, by, one.

Who am i kidding. Life would never be fair. It's time to accept it as a fact Rebecca, time to halt the behaviours of a silly & naive girl, time to trade fantasies for reality, time for you to, grow up.

Time to, mature.

& i hate being so absolutely blunt with myself.

*
Here's a little cheer though :)

Kevin McHale, my rockstar :D
With the rose embroidered vest :)

As an Observer,

2010-04-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

There was always this special day in college whenever Roweena is about, for example, last Thursday was deemed as Rhyming day, and even though my attempts at rhyming failed miserably and had sent me into the pits of shame, it still served its main purpose of being enjoyable and also for being the cure of mundane 2 hour breaks. Thus, today was Third Person's Perspective Day, in which we all converse with each other in third person narrative.

Hence, my post today, would be written out in a third person's point of view. Don't fret, it is not as complicated as it sounds.

*
She leaned back against the chair and heaved a sigh of resignation, knowing fully that she cannot, although she had done it multiple times, abandon her blog to rot and self destruct once again. No, she said to herself, it is wholly inconsiderate of her to leave her dear readers in such a perpetual state of despair upon realizing that the author of this designated blog has taken a self proclaimed holiday off the blogosphere for a while, thus giving them nothing more than a picture of herself and the previous post to stare, huff, and groan at. Indeed life can be harsh for such an avid reader of the blog, but then, the author doesn't seem to hold any concern for the condition of it, until now of course.

As her hands breeze across the keyboard it hit her square between the eyes that her point of updating her almost, semi-dead, ready-to-kick-the-bucket-blog is still virtually unknown to the girl in front of the computer screen herself, and that, she noted with a single confirmation nod of her oval shaped head, is what makes matters even more complicated than they ought to be, coz she tends to go around in circles as she's structuring her phrase and mouthing out each words as it goes along, and in sudden realization, she would loose her focus altogether, hence forcing her to start her train of thoughts from scratch. That, she shuddered as her thoughts played along, is the most tedious task of all.

Figuring out her own head.

She heaved another sigh, bit her bottom lip for a second too long before she finally gave up and opened a new tab, clicking the link to one of her favourite websites as she is also waiting for a much anticipated movie to finish loading. Rubbing the sleep away from her drooping eyelids she browsed through the insights people give about themselves through pictures, photographs, and art in general, and already she's feeling a little energy seeping back into her bones, giving her a sudden spurt of enthusiasm. Just so happened she chanced upon a picture depicting college life, and there her mind wandered off by itself to Memory Lane, and she watched as it trailed off, making sure it doesn't trample beyond the boundaries she projected to protect herself from harm's way.

College, she knew, was not far down the road, thus her mind needn't go off that far ahead before it stopped itself in front of the gate, beckoning the iron wrought stronghold to open up and let it in. She stood rooted to the spot for a while, overwhelmed by the surges of memory that came gushing forth, astounded by how it had increased tenfold since January 4th, the day that hit the milestone, the ending of one crossroad, the beginning of another.

She heard the distant sound of heartfelt laughter, saw snippets of joyous occasions shared amongst a group of soon-to-be, close-knitted friends. She witnessed the morphing of being unfamiliar and alienated, to finally being welcomed into the comfort and security of her surroundings, no longer a threat, but now a friend. She saw before her eyes how changes, although subtle, brought an immense turn of events, and that itself is the source of inspiration.

Closing her eyes she played out the scenes of what happened so far, the numerous events that took up the majority of her memory space and filled her with excitement. Twirling her fingers through her straight, slightly wavy hair, and holding her favourite blue coloured pen in the other, she drew, and half-wrote, about her life, and what represented it best.

Right in the middle of the confusion of flying books, turquoise coloured objects, a silver winged butterfly, white maryjanes, a red, red cross, paintbrushes disguised as pencils, notebooks in between sunflowers, bursts of light from a grinning sun, a warm smile, a tight hug, is a name emblazoned on the white sheet of paper, that one name that sums it up and yet it can describe her as a whole, one that gives identity, that gives that calm assurance of being, known.

Rebecca. Rebecca, she rolled her name around in her mouth, smiling at the familiar syllables as she shaped every curve and line of the alphabet that would complete her name. This is what makes her, Rebecca.

Story of a life told from a third person's narrative point of view.

Life is fun indeed. :)

Come Back, Please?

2010-03-24T08:05:00.001-07:00

my sentiments, precisely.
i missed you, like, alot.

WAR STRATEGYYYYY.

2010-03-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love quotes from Disney songs? :) i do.

Raindrops on Roses.

2010-03-21T04:37:00.000-07:00

Becky says, "Hi!" :) :)

*
I can't seem to think of words to write, things to say, actions to execute, andd, somehow, inspiration isn't hitting me hard on the face today, which, frankly, is highly unusual, because normally, I'm inspired by the most trivial of things, like- a passing moment between a young girl and her father, an old lady dozing off on the train, a shy glance from a little boy who decided that it was considerably safe to wave at strangers, a teenager humming a BackstreetBoys song whilst bobbing her head animatedly to the unknown beat to un-listening ears.

Isn't these little gestures and moments, split second in life just wonderfully fascinating and has the tendency to be impressed into your memory once it was being critically observed? I don't know, somehow, when i know inspiration is at my doorstep, my heart beats a little quicker, the smile that is naturally in fixed on my constantly flushed face widens up just a little more, and then comes the flow of whimsical thoughts that i was waiting for expectantly and always arrived sooner that i predicted.

Sometimes, when those somewhat glorious and awe-inspiring moments don't come, such as now, i wish that i can get out of the house, smell and breathe in the air that is not choked up with carbon monoxide emitted by passing cars, and just sit by the pavement and survey the sights around me as things progressively and, assuredly, sinks in.

Don't you ever want peaceful moments like that? Those that don't go flashing pass in a blink, but lingers and allows you a second or more to ponder before it slowly drifts off, leaving you an imprint of a memory not easily forgotten.

I want moments such as that to occur everyday in my life, because it's those times where pleasure would surely be in tow, engulfing you in a torrent of euphoria and thrill, loosing that sense of reality for a second too long, but never too much that your head gets stuck in the clouds.

But sadly, as in now, things just aren't as smooth riding anymore. &, i need time to calmly but gradually, digest andlet me discern the meaning of the mess i call my, thoughts.

Night world, hope the dark doesn't penetrate too much into your overactive imagination. & don't you dare spurt out nightmares at me.

Life Full of Laughter;

2010-03-10T05:33:00.000-08:00

It was as if it really happened, as if i really walked into my old school, wearing my white mary-janes and lightly tapping my fingers against the green colored railing as i passed.

But Oh Lord, please, please, don't make it come, true.

*
I remembered walking into the confines of that school accompanied by feelings of elation and ecstatic-ness, which was rather peculiar, since i should be experiencing all sorts of emotions that would eventually come tumbling down upon me, but not, excitement. No, nothing of that sort.

But i was feeling giddy with excitement, as i padded down the hallway, greeting teachers and students both familiar and alien to me. Confidence was oozing out of my pores even when i "literally" bounced into the classroom, yearning to see that elusive slip of paper bearing my whole future in just a few alphabets.

He handed me my results with a wide smile plastered on his face, hurriedly congratulating me and announcing to me how well i did for myself. Then, as he faded into the background, i looked down upon the white sheet of paper clasped between my fingers, and suddenly, i noticed something very odd about the way it looked.

It. Was. Blank.

as in, BLANK. Like, nothing! ZILCH!

Blank.

Did i really do that badly?

*
& that, my dear readers, was one of my most memorable dreams and would be etched forever into the workings of my skull. It was horrible, i'm astonished i didn't wake up immediately shivering, drenched in cold sweat with more flowing down from my brows. No, i slept on, dreaming, though i couldn't remember half of what went though my head that night. Only that fragment remains, and it has to be one of the most hell-ish "nightmares" i've ever encountered.

Next to the dream where the world has impossibly ceased to produce more food that isn't, green.

& there i thought my PMR nightmare was frightening enough.

I'm gonna do so badly, it'll make Jessica Simpson sound, intellectual. =/

*
All the best for tomorrow result-collectors, prepare yourself, come what may, and no matter what, promise yourself that you, won't, faint.

Because i most definitely, would.

Dash. Smiley Face. -:)

2010-02-28T00:16:00.000-08:00

Pictures of inanimate objects taken in my room :)

Just to, hmm, kill time. But yes, i know they're not fantastic or something, but, it was worth a try. Not like i'm gonna go into it professionally, right?

It's taken by Cammy, by the way. Cam's my Sony Cybershot Camera, the one given as a Christmas present and thus have been serving me faithfully for the past 3+ years, and, i love it still (:

If not, i'll just steal my parent's Canon one and name it... Canon.

yaay!

PS. some of the colours are hor-ree-jee-beel. so don't mind that (:
PPS. I think i posted this mainly coz many of what i have in here is very, wordy, so to ease the burden of SOME PEOPLE, i gave you the benefit of viewing pictures, that aren't that pleasant, but still better than nothing, instead.

In 2 Years,

2010-02-26T08:33:00.000-08:00

Because i love each and every one of you to bits :)
We shall do this again, and then laugh about the whole idiocy of it, again.

Your's,
Becky.

Screw Prince Charming, I've Got My Ball.

2010-02-26T07:24:00.000-08:00

Now, in the dead silence of the night, i'm finally allowed the ability to breath and soak in, to replay the moments of what just happened within the week, the events and situations bestowed upon me to appreciate, moments and times to cherish and breathe in, to remember on how life can be so worthwhile.

& so very, very colourful.

*
Orientation Ball was actually pretty awesome, albeit i was a little put off in the beginning with long winded speeches and various performances before we were allowed to partake of our meal, so it was quite a dreadful process attempting to appreciate the dances and what not coupled with my tummy grumbling every few minutes or so.

Everyone was decked out so gorgeously and dressed to the nines, so much so that i've gushed out to numerous beings on how marvelous they looked that i even began to sound like a hay-wired parrot, but, i meant every word i said, that they all looked stunning, and made me, standing beside their magnificence, look frumpy, and mediocre.

I especially loved the last part of the Ball, which was when they opened up the dance floor and invited all the students to go thrash it out there with the speakers blaring out head banging music and rhythmic dance tunes. It was sweaty, blasting off my ears, my feet were killing me after all that walking around capturing snapshots for the Editorial Board, i can hardly see the people surrounding me going wild on the dance floor, but goodness, that was AWESOME!

The music was just right, appropriate to accomadate a crowd of young, hyped up teens eager to just let our hair down and forget, momentarily, about our worries in reality and just, dance. They had Tik Tok, Bad Romance, Down, I've Gotta Feeling, and my favorite , LOW BY FLORIDA! :D

There were a few others as well, but the stated ones above are the songs i remembered the most, because i loved belting along tunelessly as i jumped around in my silver heels and cheered with the crowd as the DJ played out the next song, which is another one i'm familiar to (:

i personally cannot wait for next year's OB, coz this time, I AM GOING TO STAY UNTIL TWELVE! (I went back around 11.30 yesterday night)

Pictures will be up soon-ish, i hope. I'm giving Orientation Ball a thumbs up, mainly coz it has satisfied me somewhat on my high school's part of fore-going prom altogether, the food was alright, nothing to shout about but the people i mingled with made up for that. The interior decor took my breath away, what with the huge, sparkly and awe inspiring chandelier towering over the large ballroom, and the performances which was actually pretty fun to observe, it it weren't for my empty stomach then.

All in all, a good night, i had loads of fun, and really, as cliche as this sounds now, I CAN'T WAIT FOR OB NEXT YEAR!! :D

(Oh and Sarah, you looked lovely as well, and no one could've beaten your funkedelic hairdo :D & did i mention how cute you looked on the dance floor because you have an uncanny resemblance to one of the Chipettes in Alvin & the Chipmunks? okaybye)

(& i suppose you're gonna kill me now for calling you adorable)

(But Sarah, you did look adorable!)

Psychology. :)

2010-02-24T21:40:00.000-08:00

Psych Class was entertaining just now, we had a mini song-along session with our lecturer actually encouraging us to memorize the lyrics and belting out the tune, mainly because it'll help us in our upcoming May examinations.

EEEEEEEP!

It's so soon, it felt like just last week i was sitting through orientation.

& Just last month i was done with High School. Forever.

Anyway, going back to where i started off, here's what we learned during Psycho (short for Psychology) based on (i actually have my textbook open right in front of me, reading off the page) Working Memory and Multistore Model of Memory.

Bet that was a load of gibberish, go google it (: That's what our lecturer asked us to do after explaining the theories and hammering the basic concepts into our brains multiple times.

& so he introduced us to these videos to help us understand (or memorize) it as well! It's so cute lah, just watch it.

Coz it tickles my funny bone :)

*

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW VERY MUCH EXCITED I AM FOR OB (ORIENTATION BALL) NIGHT WHICH IS ACTUALLY JUST A FEW HOURS AWAY. I ONLY CAN EXPRESS IT BY GUSHING OUT MY ANTICIPATION FOR IT THROUGH BLOCKED, CAPITAL LETTERS IN HOPES THAT YOUR ARE ABLE TO SHARE MY PENT-UP FEELINGS FOR THE UPCOMING NIGHT. THIS WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT TO STELLA MARIS' NON-EXISTENT PROM NIGHT, SO I HOPE I'LL MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THIS ONE.

OH MY LORDEEEE I CAN'T WAIT!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

*SCREAMS/SQUEALS*

Bye, for now (:

I'm Singing Along with the Breeze.

2010-02-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

I'm getting a little confused and muddled over the strings of thoughts that peculiarly possessed neither beginning nor ending to make it a little more comprehensible. There are things I would love and willingly share, but yet in some intangible way, they stay inside, refusing and evading my persistent command in making themselves known. it's so very cumbersome, these train of ideas and opinions, because even if they are present, even if they are there, what use would it be if i cannot fully utilize them to my advantage?

So now, as i'm typing this out, i wish there would be a burst of inspiration from a source close by, to get me out of my cluttered mind, and into something less disorientated and more, hmm, tranquil.

*
So this was what happened on Saturday night while my family & I were languidly having dinner not far from where the car was parked, and yet, notwithstanding the fact that it was at such a close proximity, we did not hear the crash of something hard against shattering glass, yelling once the intruder was spotted and caught red-handed, or anything that alerted us to our possessions being stolen right under our noses.

It was rather shocking to see shards of glass scattered across the leather seat, reflecting little rays of light that it almost had that bewitching sort of, loveliness. But, due to the circumstances that i was so conveniently placed in, i was astounded beyond measure to even care about the effects of light upon broken glass and the spectral illusions it cast and created. Rather i was more focused on what my feet threaded on and made sure i would not end up with tiny cuts on the tips of my toes. I report, dutifully, that i was successful at that task (:

Then upon noticing that my orange colored bag was missing from the spot i placed it in, i began a little, mini-hyperventilating and quickly scanned through what exactly did i leave in the bag. I hurriedly checked off all my valuable belongings, noting that all were with me, and seeing that they took nothing of worth that can be exchanged or bargained for in the black market, i started to relax, well, just a little.

Thankfully, all they managed to cease were my notebook which i had been keeping since form 3, overflowing with nonsensical ramblings and scribbles straight from the mind and left-hand of a 15-year-old girl, hoping that perhaps one day, that notebook of "inspirational" thoughts might just bring about her long sought after fame that would hopefully be equivalent to that of Anne Frank, but who was she kidding right? My bible, which i had so lovingly wrapped with intricately designed wrapping paper that had cost a bomb, together with one piece of light turquoise-ish paper, which in turn had high sentimental values to me, personally. Well i hope they, whoever they were, made good use of my bible for the contents inside are considered precious, priceless, and the key that holds the truth of their very existence.

They had better make good use of it! ~~Those douchebags.~~

Together with those my pretty purple bottle which was given as a Christmas present, my pencil-case that had been faithfully serving me for 3 years, coupled with some other stationary that weren't as significant as the others (which is why i can't seem to recall them), was taken away from my grasp, and upon contemplating and pondering about it further, i realized, i really, really want them all back within my reach.

Because, even if it doesn't hold a price-tag with 4 digits, even if it's considered worthless in their inexperienced sight, even if it's just pieces of paper sewn together forming nothing but words printed on each page, even it were just silly doodles from a naive girl who thought the world would change within a day, even if the bottle was used for containing liquid and nothing more, it still meant so much, to me.

With each of these possessions i had created and constructed memories, images and illustrations that was etched into my mind with vibrant colours and sparkly lights over time, how monumental a thing it is even though it did not burn a hole in someone's pocket. It reminded me of how a gift, no matter how tiny-ly small, can make a huge impression on me, because i know that gift is worth a library of books, a gallery of artworks, a thousands of words. The stories i had conjured up, so neatly written between the spaced, black lines of the notebook, they represented a side of me that i wish to explore even more but was forced to cast it in a corner until the times comes to fish it out again, readily handing over my attention, in order to work on the attribute that was wrought inside my body. The Book which they had taken away, is the one that tugged on my heart strings the most, mainly because it had always been cherished, not for the cover, but the contents, what's between those pages, what's written in minuscule alphabets yet wholly readable, what's hiding, inside.

Come to think of it, i never thought about how they played such important roles in my life, but now, as i'm using past tense for each of them, i know just how much they mean to me right now.

Talks a lot about life, doesn' it? (:

i didn't know how significant it was, until its gone.

& just how irritatingly cumbersome not having my pencil case with me just at that precise, crucial, moment.

*

To the person who smashed my dad's car window and didn't even leave a note to say "thanks!", i congratulate you on finding daddy's hole-y shirt, sweaty pants, disposable socks, and wearing-off-soon shoes. Hope you made good use of that as well. Maybe you can get a measly profit outta it, i wouldn't know, i never attempted to steal sweaty clothes and foul smelling shoes before. But hey, just so you know, the things in the orange colored bag, you're not even worthy of touching an inch of it.

Except the Bible maybe, it's for everyone. ~~Unless you're illiterate, of course. Can't blame you for that.~~

Love,

Owner of Orange Colored Bag.

*
PS, oh, they have my deodorant as well. Nothing sentimental about that!
PPS, It was Juniors-Wear-Uniform-Day today (: will tell you more on that later on. It was fun (:

Inserting another Kevin here, coz he's just too adorable to ignore(:

Seriously he's so cute riiiiiight??? :D :D

This,

2010-02-05T22:20:00.000-08:00

I like how various people have different degrees or levels of creativity, because with this immense gift & talent, they succeeded in making, morphing, and altering our home to something a little more, prettier.

The world has much to offer, it doesn't take much to fully appreciate it's attributes at its worth. All it needs is you, and your time. (:

Duuude.

2010-02-04T04:29:00.000-08:00

That seems to be known as my favorite word, nowadays (:

Howdyy, i haven't entered this zone in a long, long while.

But not as long as some people. *cough* not mentioning any names, butiguess you know who you are!

So, my week has NOT been fantastic, but i'll leave that to another time to storytell for you see, assignments are inconveniently pre-packaged and wrapped with college and that my dear friends it is proved to be a nuisance!

As well as long-winded conversations that tends to get my head spinning between our Ms. Eyre & Mr. Rochester. (do they really converse that way? if they do, well, i salute their jaw muscles.)

Butyeaa, i just dropped by to share a lil' something, a small 'gold nugget' in my personal opinion, because it served the purpose of cheering me up quite a bit whilst browsing aimlessly through Facebook. A moment shared amongst 5 high school girls a few years back, when things still remained a little less complicated and mind-boggling, entertaining ourselves with pool-side chats and failed jump-shots.

Hence this picture i'm about to show the rest of the blogosphere. :D It's so funny that i forgotten how funny it was that when i rediscovered its funniness i laughed my arse off at the funniness of it all.

Yeah, THAT's how hilariously amusingly, funny it was (:

Sorrylah girls, i know it's tremendously humiliating for some, but highly comical, and laughable (:

Just look at the epic-ness of Kar Yee's face, Sarah's trademark skeptical expression, Phyllis' constipated look, Alya's not-so-discreet nostrils and oh, my non-existent head.

Okayfineyouguyscangetbackatme-now):

But you have to admit, that was a good hearty laugh wasn't it? (:

& i say, that was pretty good fun as well. Yes, i miss you guys, this post is meant to scream WE SHOULD MEET UP SOON.

Hope you got the message (: So, when's my fabulously fantastic girls free?

& Those Painted Ponies,

2010-01-14T05:56:00.000-08:00

YES!

I have never looked forward to actually completing my assignment this much, ever.

Tells alot about college, doesn't it? (: It gets better every, single, time.

Kick Off Your Sunday Shoes,

2010-01-11T01:11:00.001-08:00

Messaging in church, although not advisable, can be highly amusing, even in that given situation. The vibration of my red-coloured phone had alerted me of an unread message, thus i fished Derek out gently and flipped it open, and a sms from Shern Li greeted me. Utilizing much of the broken Shakespearean language we can muster, we ventured on with our typing and sms-ing back and forth, and occasionally, giggling (:

Shern Li, Me.

"Where art thou?"
"I am seateth by the youth aisle, why doth thou asketh?"
"I am just curious of thy presence"
"Thou hast answereth with immense wisdom, O Fair One. Please forgiveth thy humble servant's prying."
"Lol-th, I find thee entertainingth"
"I thank thee for thy honesty O Fair One, for I, thy humble servant, hast found thy honour of stimulating company as well."
"We seemeth so close yet so far."

& here was when i was going to reply "Indeedeth!" before getting distracted by the amount of glowering and evil glares i was attracting, for, afterall, I wasn't suppose to be using Derek in church the first place, so quietly, and as subtly as my clumsy fingers would deem possible, i slipped Derek back into the back compartment of my large bag and stowed it there until, well, the service was over.

*
Here, i see that it is greatly necessary to bombard you with the goodness of Kevin McHale, (yes sarah, the wheelchair guy) & perhaps instill that semi-nerds, or full-fledged ones, whatever nerds they may be, can be heart throbs as well (:

tell me you didn't melt into goo. Okay fine you didn't. Pffft, happy bubble burster.

PS. Crap Vien, i think that quiz we did together, the results might be true after all ;/

Awkward Moment No.3498272844.6

2010-01-09T02:48:00.000-08:00

Hi, I'm Rebecca, I was from Stella Maris and i really hope you'll continue with the small talk in order for me to just stand here, nod my head and give a tight smile before it all ends in one awkward, moment.

& yes, it was nice meeting you too, hope to see you around someday.

that was generally what introductions to total strangers were on the first day of college, and i've repeated my name countless times that i finally start to understand why Stella Maris made it compulsory to wear my light blue name tag, it made life for a newbie such as i so much easier.

come to think of it, maybe i should dig that name tag i've been keeping since form 1 and pin it on my lapel, just until they hand our student cards with our names emblazoned on it.

*

Hi once again. and maybe it's a little late to be wishing Happy New Year, & i hope your year has been a pleasant one so far. Mine's starting to become a little hectic, what with college beginning on Monday the 4th, it's been grueling ever since Orientation begun.

i think, so far it's been a really interesting week, attending classes with the subjects conducted completely in English (YES!), socializing amongst different groups of people from all sorts of backgrounds, walking along corridors that needed a little getting used to, and calling them 'lecturers', not 'teachers', because apparently there's a vast difference between them notwithstanding the fact that their occupations are the same.

As far as anyone can see, first week in Methodist College has been smooth running, and i'm in the process of slowly adapting to my surroundings i once deemed hostile, but its getting friendlier by the day. Walking to and from the LRT station tends to tire my weary bones, but due to the fact i'll be commuting by train for the next year and a half, i would have to learn the art of brisk walking soon, just in case i'm a minute late for class (:

I'll keep whoever is reading posted about my college life, which is just starting to, bloom.

*

The oldest sister came back with my brother-in-law today, so they've contributed a little more to the noise made in the Chan household. If my second sister came back, i'm sure it'll making my parents deaf in one ear, at least temporarily. Scarlet fever, remember? (Okay for those who is still ignorant about the Glee tidal wave, you won't get the joke. so yes, go educate yourself and download the whole season of this fantastic series now.)

She brought back three box full of cherries for us to indulge and stuff ourselves to the brim, which is good, because cherries are healthy, and healthy food makes the body happy, so ultimately cherries make people deliriously happy.

can you tell i'm overly excited and perky on this particular subject?

*
signing off with my latest obsession.

(:

not to the point of being stalker-ish, buthmmm, obsessed nevertheless.

HeyYouZQobssessedFan,

2009-12-30T20:35:00.000-08:00

Sorry this came in a little late (4 days, to be exact) but ermm,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

we don't have much pictures together this year, but hmm, should make it a point to meet up eh?

anyway, you're 17-years-old, you finally have the license to ~~kill~~, i mean drive on the road ;P

& thank you for Glee-filled emails with me, it's, refreshing. For a lack of a better word ;)

see you soon girl, and go party, or something.

December-yy.

2009-12-29T21:40:00.000-08:00

So, i guess i should stop prolonging the process of updating about December, and what a hectic ride it has been, thus far.

Only one word can fully describe what the last month of this year was to me. WOW. That's all it took to summarize my life in the span of four weeks, and then, i would have to come to terms with the fact that another year is heading in for a fresh new start.

It all still feels so surreal, too impossibly surreal for my midget of a brain in my upper story. Poor Ms. Chan's brains have to take quite a while to chug, choke, and then sputter out the image of a teenage girl barely 18 years of age, clad in casual wear entering the gates of Methodist college on January the 4th, looking peculiarly pale and if observant enough, a slight tremble in her lips, and knees.

What would she do then? Most likely make a run for it, if her weak legs permit. If not, she'll try to pass of the impression of being calm and collected, already adapting to the alien surrounding of her future college.

Dayumm, i could not BELIEVE I'm no longer in high school anymore. I guess my Stella Maris uniform was a protection of sort, a form of security and comfort, a symbol to hold that I'll still be in familiar surroundings, that nothing outside those school walls would be able to harm, or inflict pain upon me. It served as a fortress, school was, and then after 5 years, i'll be thrust into yet another environment which i have to accustom myself, fearful that i might be swept away by the vicious tide of strangers, and everything new.

The uniform was my armour in a sense, now without it, i'm left to fend for myself.

But you know what? This whole college thing might be a little intimidating, but i know He'll be there, just like He was in my first year of High School. I may not like change, i've learned that much from the many trepidations i've encountered this year, but at least, He'll be there to guide when my world seems pitch-black with nowhere to run.

*
Christmas was lovely this year, well, it was always lovely, but every year brings a different Christmas, hmm? What made it significant was the family, friends, and the ever present reminder of what this occasion was for, and the purpose of us spreading the joy of this season.

Thank you for all the presents, gifts, chocolates, sweets, cookies etc. All that sugary goodness is going to be a very hazardous factor to my health, but this girl here ain't complaining. (: Thank you also, because i know it came straight from the heart (:

(pictures were grabbed from Shern Li's blog :D)

*
Elena & I made cookies as gifts this year. Big, fat, chewy, and irresistibly, lip-smackingly delicious. Okay i might be exaggerating, but my taste buds sure went into a hyperactive mode right after my first bite into that doughy goodness.

Surprisingly it was easy to make, not that much of a fuss, although we still ended up with flour everywhere. Thank you mum for helping out as well (:

Okay, pictures just don't do them justice!

The night program, RBG nite, was much simpler and toned down this time, nevertheless it was a good time of socializing and interacting with others. We had a short session of dancing- the Cha-Cha!- then makaaaan, sketch, and lastly a message from Tim (:

Decoration by Iris (:

Usherers.

The sketch went well, i think, we did the best we could, & i hope it made an imprint on every single one of those that were there to witness it.

Well, at least we had fun during the numerous practices, car rides back & forth, lunches & dinners together, & most of the time spent hanging out in church (: it was good.

*

Genting was a good trip, lots of bonding with the church peeps (: The movies were interesting (The Shawshank Redemption, & The Truman Show) kept us occupied with mind-boggling questions and reflections of life in general. We had our fair share of fun at the theme-park, mostly walking around, deciding what to do, check out the roller-coasters and what not.

Lots of food, chitter-chatter, late-night whisperings, side-splitting laughter, birthday cake(s), music, Tom&Jerry game, refreshing air, and moments to cherish and, remember. It was truly a remarkable time spent with them :)

Shern Li, learning the basics of guitar playing.

Happy birthday Mag!

Movie time!

Elena & mua.

in the cablecar.

Why the pouts? )':

"huh?" & "hmm"

Going crazy at Archade games.

EPICNEESSSSS!

Valeire.

got a kiss from Mag.

the guys. & Mag :D

(more Genting pictures on facebook, click here!)
*

hmm, i think that should be it, for now? Anyway, 2009 is coming to a close, & typically comes in the new resolutions for the new year, but you know what i've learnt so far? MY resolutions are often dumped aside by February =/ Is it just me, or do you feel that resolutions somehow have the tendency of being stashed into the recesses of one's brains, not really being needed anymore?

Maybe its just my resolutions, maybe i just don't have the willpower to execute it. But, one of them is surviving the traumatic experience of SPM, so i guess i stuck to that one. (:

Happy New Year e'eryone! See you in 2010!

HAI,

2009-12-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

);

a sad face to express my remorseful mode that Christmas is, over.

Okay i'm not in the blogging mood tonight, so hmm, maybe i should give you a preview of whats coming up next (;

AHHHH!!!

i would've gone on it a thousand and one times. (: what stopped me was time, and munnneey.

Alright, i'll see you guys in a bit. Have to sleep early tonight, coz gonna wake up at the breakof dawn tomorrow and head for a visitation to an orphanage (:

toooodles!

Love-lee (;

2009-12-21T05:06:00.000-08:00

Blogging seems so foreign now, words just don't ooze out as easily anymore. Maybe it was the long hiatus from it, and with every other thing piling up one after another, it's no surprise that i took a millisecond longer to ponder and think what exactly, do i really want to just, tell.

Life in general has been hectic since the final days of that dreaded examination. Now that's over and done with, another whirlwind took me by surprise and there i was, witnessing the cremation of my grandmother. That whole week was one tremendous blur, jumbled up so tightly it was nerve-wrecking to figure out heads and tails of all the events that took place.

It still doesn't feel, real. I think it's still slowly, but progressively digesting in my brains that grandma is not here anymore. Although i don't know how my brains can digest for that activity only happens in my stomach. hmm,

Perhaps i'll broach that topic some other time, because now that Christmas is coming, i've expected my days leading up to that Christmas would be packed to the brim with so much things to do and errands to run in my 'Christmas List', and oh dearyy-me, presents to buy!

I still have *counts fingers* 4 more days till Winter Wonderland and yet, like everything else in my life, tasks are nowhere near complete. A miracle is all it takes to get things done, and that is what i'm ultimately hoping for.

So, if i have the time, i'll update about my trip up to Genting with the Sunday School friends, and the memories that would forever be etched into my head (:

For now, count down with me to the final days of Christmas, and enjoy the sensation, white it lasts (:

I Know I'm Not Suppose to be Here Butt...........

2009-11-17T01:51:00.000-08:00

soooo, it's tomorrow (:

why did i just insert a smiley face? beyond me.

Anyway, just wanna wish all the fifth formers out there, do your best!

We'll get through this, so SURVIVE!!!!!!

"inserts 'I Will Survive' song here"

alright, will be back on the 9th of December, or after that (:

*prays* please God pleeeassee get me through this alive, unharmed, and in one piece.

I Suck at Rhyming.

2009-11-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

But i hope i got my point across. (;

*

She smiled as she waved her past away
Ready for a brand, new start
Discarding the excess baggage under a willow-y oak tree
She kept some treasured memories close to her heart

With a sigh she surveyed her surroundings
And thought back to the days of yore
Frolicking, rollicking, entertaining times
Of massive fun and food galore

How much she ran, sang and stood staring
As she wandered her life away
If only by some stroke of luck
She could repeat the walk down memory lane

But alas, Mr. Clock’s hands are ticking,
Alerting us on the impending hour
Misty-eyed, she sighed
And thought indeed life can be bitterly sour

She knew not of the road she’s traveling
But armed with confidence ablaze
With her head held high and shoulders back
She ventured down the narrow way

So long my dearest friends
She thought as she rambled through
I hope one day we’ll be able to meet
But till then, all the best to you.

*

Goodbye High School,
I would most definitely miss you (and your lovely green colored walls).

Battlefeild of Examinations.

2009-09-26T00:48:00.000-07:00

Evidently that ~~good-for-noting~~ extremely important exam is coming up in, if not a month, a few weeks time and honestly i think i've vast room for improvement, and i feel so ill prepared.

Bah, can't think negatively, must have a good mindset, therefore....

I HEART EXAMS! THEY DEFINE MY NON-EXISTENT LIFE!!!!!

right.

much help that made.

So in view of the examination just around the corner, i'll no longer be available to pleasure my readers with anymore posts as long as its not the end of SPM yet, or the end of the world.

so as far as i'm concern, this'll be the last before my victorious proclamation that i have yet again conquered and survived another round of 2B pencils, Q&A, rubber sheddings and long-winded essays.

i shall overcome them, yes i shall.

Time to don the armour, eh?

Yep, wish me all the best and pray hard i won't end up fainting for my first paper. Pray hard people, pray hard!

& to disclose this post on a slightly happier note is a video i've watched many times but never failed to make me laugh and end up in stitches.

Here's to you, my friends.

Bye, see you after December 18th.

(;

2009-09-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

Logan Lerman = drooooool.

this was so random =)

Look at his smile! *sigh*

Doughnut Birthday

2009-09-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

These are the events that led up to my seventeenth birthday (;

It is highly unlikely that I would forget it.

It was a typical Sunday, went to church, caught up with friends and all, and I noticed some suspicious activity going on between Elena & Shern Li, coz they always give surprises.

A lot of writing notes during service, whispering, going out early and so forth, so I had my suspicion, and I honestly thought they would surprise me either during Sunday School, or YF.

Nothing came, and truthfully I was a little shocked when no showering confetti and no birthday cake greeted me when I walked into class, but after that it sort of went from my mind, and then I totally forgotten about it during Literature tuition, my whole attention needed to be focused on “An Inspector Calls”.

Then, I went back home, totally exhausted from the mind grueling class I had just now and was about to head to the kitchen to gulp down some much needed H20 when mummy, out of no where screeched her head off at me to get my room cleaned up.

& I thought why the heck was she yelling at me, not like she was the one sleeping in MY room right?

One thing odd about it though was that she did not have on her seriously intimidating expression when scolding me, rather on the contrary she was smiling.

Note that no parents, not even yours I bet, smiles when they’re scolding their children. If they do maybe they’re having the pleasure of disciplining you.

But I paid no heed to that at first, and I thought she was just in an awfully good mood, so I tried to calm her down but then she went and screamed my ears drums off again.

Then I yelled back that my room was an organized mess, which was true, because if I placed everything in order I would mess it up again coz I can’t seem to find the item I want.

Why bother, right?

I trudged up the stairs, grumbling all the way, pushed my door back, and suddenly realized right before me was a pair of legs. Someone else’ legs. What on earth were they doing in my room?

Little did I know that my church friends were planning something for me, just so out of the norm that it never occurred to me that its even possible. After I went for class they went to Pavilion, got me doughnuts and my birthday present, and then hopped onto one of the Ng Brother’s car (I think) and arrived at my place just before I got back.

Then they proceeded to raid my room and even my trashcan, don’t ask me why.

I wonder what other ‘interesting’ stuff they manage to dig out.

Thank God I hid all my embarrassing diaries, and all my “I Love-”

“Surprising” isn’t even the word to describe what I felt what suddenly a pack of people came hurling out of my room, creamed me, and in my confusion started singing the “Happy Birthday” song as I stood there like a fool still clutching my pencil case in one arm and two bags in the other.

& cream all over my face, they didn’t spare my glasses either.

Like whoa.

Damn was it shocking.

& there I was planning what to do when I reached home.

They spoilt my well-thought out schedule of course, but I’m not complaining.

As if that wasn’t enough, they led me out to my garden and dumped a load of egg white/yolk onto me, whilst squirting water at me from my garden hose.

The torture didn’t end there coz once I bathed and went down, they made me drink some nasty vile looking substance they had all concocted from ingredients found in my own kitchen. My mum helped out of course.

Dee-gusting.

Thanks a lot mum.

I was forced into acting like a dumb blonde, drink that nasty broth and pole dance with a mop.

I think I was laughing like 90% of the time.

But at least the doughnuts they bought were good, a compensation for all the humiliating things they set out for me. After a while the Ng Bros had to go, so it was just the four of us left, and guess what we did?

Oh yes, we chatted, laughed, chatted, laughed, chatted and then laughed.

& that was the ‘surprise’ party they had planned for me

Your plans succeeded (; Thank you guys for making my 17^th memorable.

But they weren’t the only ones planning a surprise though.

Turns out my classmates had something in store for me as well.

It was during lunch time and I was about to go down when I noticed a few of my classmates hanging around the classroom. I asked them if they wanted to go down with me, but they said go ahead, which I thought was a little peculiar again.

Normally they’re the ones rushing down to the canteen to fill their empty stomachs.

So again I had my suspicions.

It increased even more when I saw Kah Yian bringing something boxed shaped from the canteen wrapped in a garbage bag.

(Just a thought, garbage bag? Seriously?)

I followed her up, coz she asked me to, and then when I was on the brink of entering the classroom, Phyllis whisked me away, saying she needed someone to accompany her to the locker, and I secretly wished she had asked someone else, coz I really wanted to know what was going on!

TEEHEEE.

But then instead of going back up, we sat down, and I ate my packed lunch. Vien came down later, informing me Suet Yi was crying, and I was just in the beginning stages of digging into my nasi lemak, I almost yelled PLEASE LET ME EAT FIRST CAN OR NOT???

You see, I was in dire need of food at that time.

But Vien persuaded me to go up, so I looked forlornly at my half eaten lunch, sighed, cursed Suet Yi inwardly for the cause of all my troubles, and followed them up.

& then they sang the birthday song to me, with doughnuts too, except this time its from Big Apple.

Hence my blog title.

I was shocked too, but not AS shocked, coz for once my I was correct (;

Thank you too, for contributing for making my birthday, AWESOME.

September 8^th, 2009

Many wishes came in the form of sms-es, Facebook, Plurk, and Twitter.

& blog posts, if you count Lya’s & Shern’s.

(THANK YOU!!)

My parents took me to Friday’s and I was stuffed to the point when I can’t even chug down dessert, which is one of the main highlights there. Oh well, next time.

The food is still mouth watering and wholesomely scrumptious. I chomped everything up like a gluttonous pig.

(; & CHEEESSEEEEEE!!!

Oh heaven.

My parents still owe me a phone.

DEREKDEREKDEREKDEREKDEREK…..

Thanks mummy & daddy!

September 12^th, 2009

This time I had two personal slaves, which I so conveniently labeled “Slave #1” & “Slave #2” But “Slave #2” is a little disgruntled coz she was supposedly downgraded.

Admittedly never have I seen such enthusiastic slaves literally aching and begging for more manual labour, I highly would recommend the both of them to whenever wishes to employ, servants (;

They’re like my best yet.

Such happy, happy slaves.

I’ve got pictures as prove, check facebook!

It started out as a sunny day, & then the rain came pouring.

We were soaking wet, drenched, as we ran from boutique to boutique.

The lady was nice enough to hand us tissues to dry ourselves off.

It was one of the most eventful and entertaining outings I ever had with the girls, and its been such a long time that I actually laughed until my side ached with the both of them.

Especially with our unofficial theme song for the day =D

And everything reminding us of a certain someone...

....an emo/jazz version of Viva La Vida. One word, WEIRD!....

....Seeing 'Silencia' on a T-Shirt.....

....Turquoise colored boutique. heaven.....

....Being deemed 'happy-go-luckies' .....

...."Open Puasa"....

.....my slaves getting replaced in one of the shops. HAHAA!....

...oh, and my slaves forgetting their duties as slaves...

...sun tanning...

..."I sympathiiiiiize you!"....

....CHU-CUM-BER!.....

.....Seeing Hunny Madu along the way......

......Laughing, laughing and more laughing......

Yup, its all good (;

Thank you slaves, for the treat.

You’re the best.

I’d just thought that MAYBE some people out there would like to know how my seventeen turned out, and it might not be as fun and hyped up as others, but to me, every little effort put into making this day special for me, is what touched me to the core.

I have friends who pamper me. & again, THANK YOU!!

I’m like receiving some Oscar or something,

(on a side not, what Kanye West did to Taylor Swift at the VMA'S was totally uncalled for!)

I totally take back my words for saying that my 17^th would not have much surprises, boy was I wrong.

(;

Coz well, you made it worthwhile.

PS. Thanks Sarah for your imaginary dress, and also a picture of a delectable looking cake. & if you attempt on making one, I suggest you keep a fire extinguisher nearby. Juuuust kdding =)

Running Around Like A Clown On Porpuse;

2009-09-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

hi,

i'm back.

just thought you might like to know how Mika's songs are tremendously infectious, coz they're just the type of song that gives me the sugar-high effect.

His video for "We Are Golden" is very quirky, and bizarre, and me likey!

Watched "UP" last week. was FAAAN-TASTIC!

It does tug on one's heart strings.

okay. thats all. Yes from now on my blog posts would be very "Sarah Carol-isque" or "twitter-like"

short, sweet, simple.

Not me.... but oh i'll write a long juicy one when given enough time (=

to end this short ~~uninformative~~ post, i'll give you a hint on what we did to Rama's phone

you hafta admit we look awesome here (;

More on facebook!

Byyeeeee.